A late abortion at 21 weeks

I remember it was my birthday back in September & I wanted to forget everything & enjoy myself. I had a one night stand, I missed my period for two months and I thought it was just stress and completely ignored it. I suppose I was scared to face it and thought my father would disown me. I remember going for the pregnancy test in November and I remember them telling me it was positive and my first reaction was to laugh, but I had my friend with me to look after me.

Late Abortion

I remember going to tell my Mum straight away and she was incredibly supportive, but I kept it to myself, and I didn't have my abortion till the 28th January at 21 weeks. I didn't even tell my Dad till two days before I had to go up to London, and we live in the Wirral (near Liverpool). He didn't seem to be angry or feel anything & he drove me down and brought my home. I remember going into the operating theatre and just crying my eyes out, but I felt a sense of relief when I woke up.

I didn't believe it was happening to me

To this day now I feel really stupid waiting so long, but I didn't believe it was happening to me and thought it would just go away on it's own. I am finding it hard to cope now. I just keep feeling like I've murdered a baby and I feel unbearable amounts of guilt.

Editor's Comment

It is very difficult to go through a late abortion. I think you were probably in denial and convincing yourself that it would go away, but you must have been aware of changes that were happening in your body, and perhaps even some movement. These changes are probably now playing on your mind and making you realise what you went through. You may have been hiding the pregnancy because you secretly hoped you could have the baby, but went through with the abortion for fear of what your father would think. I hope you will think about getting some post abortion help as this would help you to work through some of your emotions and motives. You can get help through the national helpline 0300 4000 999 0r follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 03/03/2010

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