I have a two year old daughter and have just found out I’m pregnant. My husband is adamant I should have an abortion.

By anonymous on 30/04/2007
I have a two year old daughter and have just found out I’m pregnant. My husband is adamant I should have an abortion. I have tried to talk to him but he just keeps saying we can’t afford it. I agree it’s not ideal. I’m about to finish my midwifery qualification in October, about 6 weeks before the baby would be due, but I currently receive a paid bursary every month which we rely on. If I don’t get a job straight away we will be in financial difficulty as we won’t qualify for any help and our families do not have the means to offer any support. But I really want this baby and I know deep down my husband does, as we have talked about having another baby only weeks before this happened but, of course, we planned for me to finish my degree and get settled in a job which offers maternity pay. Also I can’t imagine going into work on the maternity unit every day seeing all the expectant and new mothers with their babies knowing I’d killed my baby. As well as this I had a miscarriage prior to having my daughter which was a tremendously painful experience and I suffered a number of complications following it and I don’t think I can emotionally cope with putting myself through that by choice.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…it’s really clear from what you’ve written that your dilemma – as it is for many women – is one of what your head is saying and what your heart is saying. The head is sensible and logical – it’s rational to make a decision based on your financial circumstances, isn’t it? But the heart has a different message – one which, as a midwife, you are only too aware of. Your heart is saying, in your words, that an abortion would be killing your baby.

The important thing to realise is that you are in a position of power now. You have the power to choose – there is still a choice. Once you have made a choice, either choice, there’s no turning the clock back. In fact, nothing can take away the fact that you are now pregnant.

Circumstances can always change. As humans we have the most amazing ability to survive - we can always get through the most trying circumstances. We may be imagining the worst, and want to predict or control the future, but it’s more important to realise that it’s very difficult to change the state of one’s heart once it’s in pain. Which choice will cause you more pain in your heart? When you know, you will need courage to make the decision you can live with.

It will help you both to talk this through with a trained advisor. Contact your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor for support. This is a time for you both to stand together as you face the future.

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