My first baby died at 3 months from sudden infant death syndrome

I'm 21 years old, I had my 1st baby at 19, I was so happy with my new baby boy, watching him grow. One morning I woke up and he didn't. At three months old he was sadly taken by SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). I knew from then on I didn't want anymore children, I just wanted my baby boy back. Every single day I think about him and cry, and when I hear and see people on the news who put their babies in rubbish bins it makes me sick! Whenever I see a baby asleep, I don't see what everyone else sees, I see a dead baby :( About a week ago I found out I was pregnant again, to the same guy that I had my 1st child. I don't know what to do, I don't think I'm ready for another baby, I'm very scared too. I'm thinking about an abortion but I really don't know if I could. I really want to know what you think I should do? Just 4 months ago my father past away from a heart attack on the same day as my son. I'm still dealing with the grief of his loss, as well as this. So I could really use some guidance please!!

Editor's Comment

You have had two major losses in your life and I am not surprised that you feel overwhelmed by grief. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a baby in this way. It must have been very distressing, and then to lose your father as well. I can understand your fear and anxiety about having another baby, but having an abortion would be another loss for you again. If you are considering abortion of this pregnancy, try to imagine how you will feel in a year's time, or two years time. Will it be another anniversary to remember? Will you always wonder what it would have been like if you had continued the pregnancy? Having been through the loss of your first baby, you would have a lot of support from medical staff to help you if you decide to continue the pregnancy. I am wondering what the father of this baby is feeling about the pregnancy? He has gone through the loss of his child too. If you would like to talk this through with someone please call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or see if there is a pregnancy support centre in your area.

This story was sent in on 07/11/2011

Previous/next story

An unplanned pregnancy.

« Previous story
An unplanned pregnancy at 42

Next story »

Free help & support

If you're struggling through a situation similar to this Crisis Pregnancy story, or have been affected by issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

Get free, sensitive & confidential help at your nearest centre

Tell your story

Telling your story to others can be difficult but rewarding and you may just help somebody going through the same thing:

Tell your story »

Story Categories

Click below for stories in other categories: