Trust yourself. If you're not sure about the abortion... it's not right

I had been seeing someone for five weeks, then he broke it off, and we met up again one night and I started feeling really strange. On the day my period was due I took a test right when I woke up and it was positive.

About a week later I called and told him and he was hysterical, telling me to get rid of it. I told my grandma and she was supportive but then she changed her mind and started really pressuring me to get rid of it.

I told my aunt, and they told my dad, and he was extremely angry, and all of them told me they would never speak to me again, and that I would never amount to anything.

The baby's dad was texting and calling me continuously with abusive messages, and my family was ignoring me - apart from my dad, who screamed at me whenever he saw me.

The stress was so much that I started bleeding, but I went for a scan and the baby was ok. I had had two abortions in the past but I couldn't do it this time. I kept going to abortion clinics but then leaving at the last minute. My dad came with me to one and physically pushed me to the counter to get the forms.

I was there for hours until eventually, they said they couldn't operate on me. At this point I didn't know what to do - I had lost confidence in having my baby but I couldn't get rid of it.

Now everyone was pushing me to make a decision, and I felt under extreme pressure. Every time they saw me, they wanted me to say what I was doing. They would scream at me to make a decision.

I went to the clinic one last time and sat in a reclining chair with the other girls. I asked the girl next to me if it hurt, and she said yes. One girl woke up from her procedure in the next room and started crying loudly and hysterically. I asked the nurse to take my pills away, and she did.

I remember sitting in the chair and feeling more relaxed than I had in weeks. I wanted to sit there forever, not having to make a decision. The next time she offered the pills I said I still wasn't ready and asked to make a phone call, and she said they couldn't do the procedure on me because I wasn't sure.

I pleaded with the receptionist and she said no, but booked me in again in three weeks' time. I went down the stairs and that was it.

My baby is 14 months old now and I'm so happy. I'm in a new job I love. His dad and I are very close and on good terms, but I didn't want a relationship. Trust yourself. If you're not sure about the abortion... it's not right.

This story was sent in on 17/04/2019

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