When I was 18, and sharing a flat with a friend, I very stupidly had unprotected sex with an older woman very early on into the relationship.
When I was 18, and sharing a flat with a friend, I very stupidly had unprotected sex with an older woman very early on into the relationship. A few days passed and my partner at the time suspected she was pregnant. The first pregnancy test turned out to be negative. Days passed and she was still showing signs of early pregnancy. I wasn't convinced the pregnancy test had worked. It started to affect my work, making me erratic and over emotional. I had to tell someone so I arranged to speak to a relative. They were understanding, calmed me down and marched me into the pharmacy to buy another pregnancy test.
Later that day I explained everything to my partner and expressed my concerns. This time the pregnancy test proved positive. That was the scariest day of my life. My face went white in seconds and I was lost for words - I had never been lost for words before. We were both shell-shocked and didn't speak much more that day. Scared and not sure what to do or who to turn to, I started to over indulge in copious amounts of drinking and drug-taking to forget the whole thing. This obviously didn't make matters any better and I knew that at the time but didn't care. As far as I was concerned, my life was over.
A week or so went by and, still not thinking straight, I decided to knock all the bingeing on the head, pull myself together and face the music. A decision had to be made, though ultimately I knew the final decision would be out of my hands. We discussed all opinions together and came clean to our parents over time. I moved out of the flat and, stupidly, into my girl friend’s parents’: a decision I still regret, not because they were hard to live with rather but because I'd only been with this girl for about a month. I knew nothing about her.
It was all happening so fast. I didn't want to be a Dad and she didn't want to be a Mum and we both wanted our lives back. Through the mists of all the confusion we came to a decision and it shocked me that I was opting for an abortion as I'd always been against them in the past, but here I was agreeing it was the best thing to do. Even though now I still stick by our decision (I can't speak for my ex) I often wonder what could've been. In the end, though, it's not good to dwell on these things for too long and it all seems like a dream now almost as if it never happened. We’re not together anymore but we did end up living together for a long time afterwards and from that experience we both learnt we were not meant for each other. Sadly, due to circumstances, we no longer speak which is unfortunate as we both went through a huge thing together, but then that's life.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…I’m wondering if this is around an anniversary date for you that makes you check out a website like this and spend time writing about what happened. You had an incredible shock - thank you for not running away and choosing instead to talk about it with your girlfriend.
It’s interesting that you say you were shocked by your joint decision. For you, your ‘head’ or logic may have been saying that, yes, this is the best outcome, so that you can both ‘get your lives back’, but it seems that something deeper in you has been affected by all this. I think you want to tuck it away and move on in the hope that you can leave it behind, but this isn’t easy for someone who has always been against abortion in the past and has had to compromise their deeper heart thoughts. A crisis pregnancy has no pain-free solution. It was a huge thing you went through together and I think you are finding it difficult to dismiss it. I think it may help you to talk it through at a centre and get some closure. Male advisors are available at some centres if you prefer.
This story was sent in on 16/11/2008
My ex partner and I had unprotected sex, which resulted in a surprise pregnancy.