The Dr. said "You've lost the baby": three days later I had a natural miscarriage
On February 5th, 2015, I headed to my second Prenatal Appointment. I was 11 weeks and 5 days. I had tried to get someone to go with me, but it didn't work out.
On the way there I had a weird feeling that I couldn't shake. I had already had a bad morning at work so I thought maybe that was why.
The first few minutes of my appointment went fine. Then it came time to hear the heartbeat. The nurse had told me that sometimes they are hard to find. I lay there patiently waiting to hear my baby. The nurse stopped and said, "Sometimes we can't find it with the doppler because they're still so small". They continued with the appointment and then sent me down for an ultrasound.
I sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes in fear. I texted my mom and husband to let them know what was going on. I went in for my ultrasound. The nurse said nothing, she had the screen turned so I couldn't see. I just lay there.
After the ultrasound, they sent me back to the waiting room where I waited for another 30 minutes.
The clerk called for me and told me the Dr. wanted to see me upstairs. On the long walk back to the clinic I prayed with tears in my eyes, "Lord, I don't know what's going on, but please give me strength".
Upstairs, I waited until the Dr. called me back. We sat down in a small room and she was silent as she looked at the papers in her hands. "There's no easy way to say this," she said, "but you've lost the baby".
I could feel my heart breaking to pieces. She was still talking but I couldn't hear her. I was in a fog. A few minutes later she told me she still needed blood work done. I walked out of the clinic and headed for the bathroom. I tried to contain myself. I didn't want to cry in front of a bunch of people I didn't know.
I went down to the lab and waited there. A few minutes later, a very pregnant lady came and sat two seats away from me. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even want to look at her.
I got my blood work done and headed to my car. Walking down the hall I told myself "Don't cry yet" over and over until I got outside. I ran to my car, got in and just let it out. I cried and screamed. I went home and got in bed and cried some more.
I didn't want to tell my husband over the phone so I waited until he got home. I sat there and had to tell him that I had lost our baby.
I started having cramps on Friday evening, February 6th. On Sunday morning, February 8th, I was home in horrible pain. My husband had gone to church and his mother had stopped by to check on me. I told her I needed to go to the hospital. The bleeding was worse than normal and I couldn't handle the pain.
My husband came home and picked me up. I went to the ER and had a natural miscarriage. I lay in a hospital bed for hours and felt nothing. No pain, no sadness, just nothing.
This was the hardest thing I've ever been through, both physically and emotionally. The weeks after were very hard. Thankfully I have a husband who was by my side the whole time. And friends and family who prepared meals for us and gave us support.
Becoming pregnant right away was something I continuously thought about. And it caused problems. I finally came to the place where I surrendered the situation over to God and told him that He was in control. Not me.
In June I found out I was 3 weeks pregnant. I wasn't as happy as the first time. I was scared. And until I surrendered that fear to God I remained scared.
Today I am happy to say that I am 14 weeks pregnant. And I couldn't be happier! Yes, I still get sad. I still have hard days. Especially today. But I trust the God who has done amazing things for me.
I will never forget my miscarriage. But I will not let fear and sadness control the rest of my life. God chose me to go through this for a reason. What that reason is, I don't really know. But I hope I can help someone else who has gone through, or is going through, this.
Thank you, for taking the time to hear about my story. I love you Angel Baby. And I can't wait to one day arrive in heaven and see you in God's arms. 💙