They called it a 'chemical pregnancy' as I wasn't very far along

I'm 19 and I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. I knew I was pregnant before I even took the test. Still it was shocking. I cried for a couple of days after finding out thinking "what the hell am I gonna do?". I was just starting college and I still live at home. But my boyfriend and family were so supportive when I told them I started getting used to the idea.

I went to my ob-gyn the next day and at first, they told me I wasn't pregnant. Then they took a blood test and a day later confirmed I was indeed four weeks along. After that I started getting excited. I was getting used to the idea of a little baby. My mom was willing to help us and it seemed like it would all work out.

Then a few days later I started to bleed a little. I immediately panicked. It started out as light spotting then I was bleeding through pads every 20 minutes. My stomach started cramping so bad it was the worst pain I've ever felt. My mom, boyfriend, and I went to the hospital and they confirmed I was having a miscarriage.

They called it a 'chemical pregnancy' because I wasn't very far along. It didn't make me feel any better. Ever since I just feel empty. Like there's something missing. I'm at a point where I'm scared to ever get pregnant because I never want to feel that loss and pain ever again.

So many people told me it wasn't even a baby yet and it was only a chemical pregnancy. But it wasn't for me. It was something that was mine and I feel like as soon as I started to fall in love with my baby it was ripped away from me. The only upside is I had my boyfriend's support through it all. He hurt just as much as I did. And now I know I want to have kids someday which I never did before.