Where I come from, for a girl without a child to use contraceptives is kinda like a taboo by Lerotholi

I'm 18 years old and I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. I was with him for about 4 months when I first got pregnant and at that time I was still 17 years old, just out of high school, and off to university.

I'm the only daughter in my family so there was no way I was going to shame my family so we talked about it and I didn't want to do it but there was nothing I could do about it, so I did a medical abortion. I was about 4 weeks so I really didn't feel that much pain. My 1st baby would have been born around October.

We then continued with my partner acting as if nothing had happened. From where I come from, for a girl (one without a child) to use contraceptives is kinda like a taboo, we are told we are literally frying our eggs meaning we are taking away chances of ever having babies. So we got over it, or at least I had to get over it. 

Within 2 months I was pregnant again and my very same boyfriend said we should have an abortion but before we could I had a miscarriage, a really messy one and we moved on.

3 months later I got pregnant again and this time my boyfriend was working, earning a pretty honest living but I was still waiting for the school to answer me so he told me again to have an abortion.

This time I was like 8 weeks and it had a heart. I didn't want to do it but he did not want to support my decision so I had one again and this time I felt it. It took about 4 hours before the pills kicked in and when they finally did I threw up everything and there was so much blood.

I remember laying on the floor praying, begging for it to stop. It's illegal in my country to have an abortion but I begged him to take me to the hospital and how I would rather get arrested than to feel that much pain. I tried crying but there were no tears at all, I've never felt so much pain ever in my life and I surely don't wish it on any other person.

I again got back together with my boyfriend, I knew I should have left but I couldn't, I loved him and still very much do. I stayed and guess what I'm pregnant again and I'm scared this time I'm going to die but he's told me I can't have a child so I have to abort again. I'm now 9 weeks, I'm scared my pain is going to be worse than before and that I might die...

And regardless of what our culture teaches us, I swear this time I'm going to use contraceptives.

Lerotholi sent this story in on 18/09/2015

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