I'll never forget my first miscarriage (of twins), I think about it every day

Last year I found out I was pregnant after trying for 6 months. We were over the moon!! A month later had our first ultrasound..twins!! At 7 weeks they had strong heartbeats and were doing great.

I started showing at 10 weeks and I absolutely loved it!!

A week and a half later I started cramping and figured it was normal. I went to bed and saw my doctor in the morning and he did an ultrasound and babies were healthy and heartbeats were strong.

Had stronger cramping that night and spotting so I made my boyfriend take me to the ER. They couldn't find a heartbeat.

Sent me home and I went back in the morning with contractions but just light bleeding.

They checked me and my cervix was closed so they sent me home on bedrest.

I fell asleep and woke up with the worst pain I have ever experienced.

After a minute or two of agonizing pain and sweating and trying to get comfortable I felt a pop and a gush like I had peed myself. I stood up and ran to the bedroom and there was blood everywhere. I lost so many big clots but I never saw the babies. I was 11w6d.

I was surprisingly calm. Called my manager who is a nurse and she drove me to the hospital (she had leather seats and my boyfriend did not.) Once I got to the hospital I lost all my calm and was hysterical. They gave my ativan to calm down and I was in the hospital the rest of the day so they could check me because I was bleeding so heavily.

It was a horrible experience. I still mourn it every day. The twins would have been about 2 and a half month old right now. I will never get over this loss. Since then I have had 2 more first trimester miscarriages. They were very early and emotionally, easier to cope with. But I will never forget my first miscarriage. I think about it every day.