Loneliness and feeling of loss for 36 years

From someone who has known loneliness and a feeling of loss for 36 years, when I had my abortion. There was a day that I thought that I would never get over it or share it with anyone.
I felt a big disgrace and that I was worthless and I suppose I felt that I was a murderer. After reading a book and seeing a video (Reannons Journey) I began to see that I was not trapped, with a big wall round me and with a great deal of help from a pregnancy crisis centre I learnt that life can be better than I thought it was and I was not useless. It is possible to come to terms with the feeling of emptyness and the longing to hold something, with help.
So please, where ever you are and who ever you are try not to feel the way you do. There is hope out there. The overall feeling of forgiveness is in your own ability to have faith that one day you will be reunited.
Talking has made my heart feel free, go and find the 'screaming' field if you need to, the cows won't mind! But never never go under, there are other people and lives that need you. Spoil yourself and wollow in your own hopes and dreams.

Editor's Comment

Thank you for encouraging others to seek help for post abortion problems. It is so common to get locked in secrecy and shame, and as you say there is a way through and hope for the future. Please contact the national helpline 0300 4000 999 if you would like some help or you can follow the link
This story was sent in on 25/05/2010 and it's been viewed 671 times.

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