Loneliness and feeling of loss for 36 years
I felt a big disgrace and that I was worthless and I suppose I felt that I was a murderer. After reading a book and seeing a video (Reannons Journey) I began to see that I was not trapped, with a big wall round me and with a great deal of help from a pregnancy crisis centre I learnt that life can be better than I thought it was and I was not useless. It is possible to come to terms with the feeling of emptyness and the longing to hold something, with help.
So please, where ever you are and who ever you are try not to feel the way you do. There is hope out there. The overall feeling of forgiveness is in your own ability to have faith that one day you will be reunited.
Talking has made my heart feel free, go and find the 'screaming' field if you need to, the cows won't mind! But never never go under, there are other people and lives that need you. Spoil yourself and wollow in your own hopes and dreams.