I had a medical abortion at almost 8 weeks at a private abortion clinic in LeedsBy anonymous on 14/04/2011
I had a medical abortion 10/12/07 at 7weeks + 6days at a private abortion clinic in Leeds
I was 18 and had been caught out even though we used contraception. My boyfriend at the time was a few years older than me and way out of my league, so when he told me I'd have to have an abortion I tried to go along with it.
I desperately wanted this baby and I really thought he loved me... so cliche!
When my parents found out, they kicked me out the house.
I come from an upper middle class family and my parents were ashamed of me. As far as they could see I was embarrassing the family - anyone would have thought it was 1907 rather than 2007!!
So there's me at 18, pregnant and homeless.
My boyfriend was pressuring me to have an abortion as were my parents, no-one stopped to ask me what I'd like to do?
I felt I had nowhere to go, no-one to speak too.. I didn't know what to do
I didn't want to be another statistic, I didn't want to be a teenage mum living in a council house (because no-one ever made me aware of my options...) and I certainly didn't want to raise my baby without it's father or without any financial security.
So I went along with it.
Looking back I wish I'd been stronger, I wish I hadn't crumbled under the pressure.
I had the medical abortion, and it was the most horrific experience of my life
It was obvious I didn't want to go through with it, but no-one questioned me, even when I asked to see a pic of the scan.
After taking the first tablet I went home and was due to return 2 days later. That first night I haemorrhaged in my sleep.
I was young and scared and had no-one to help me. My ex left me as I lay in my hospital bed, and I've never seen him since.
Now 4 years on I am in the most loving relationship, and am actually getting married this year.
Unfortunately, due to a medical condition it is unlikely I will ever get pregnant again.
My relationship with my parents is getting better, but I don't think I'll be able to ever forgive them... and I definitely won't ever be able to forgive myself.
It is very painful when you feel rejected by your family by an unplanned pregnancy.
At the time when you most needed support you were being pressurised and had no one who listened to how you were feeling. I am not surprised that you were not able to stand up for yourself.
You are holding onto your pain and feeling unable to forgive your parents and yourself, and it is hard to let go of the hurt you have been through.
I do think that to really move on from this you need to work through some of these emotions. I recommend The Journey programme and suggest that you contact a centre near you where they offer post abortion support. You can follow this link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.