I had a medical abortion at 13 weeks on the nhs

Its not something I recommend for anyone who isn't sure of their decision. I'm 18 years old with plans of going to uni in september, I found out I was pregnant in may,I knew that I couldn't abort the life growing inside of me, and I loved it already.
My boyfriend however, was really unsupportive, threatening to leave me if I didn't get an abortion, and saying the baby was "nothing" and "wasn't alive." I was determined in keeping it, we ended up breaking up, but he was threatening to tell my parents before I was ready, unless I had an abortion. My mum started asking if I was pregnant. I freaked out and I'm ashamed to say, within a day I went from being excited for my scan at 14 weeks to walking down to the hospital and booking that abortion.

I took the first tablet on friday morning

I was shaking with every step I took in there, and even as I held it to my mouth I knew I couldn't do it, but I just thought of my now ex's reaction if I didn't, and I swallowed that tablet. After I walked out I just broke down in tears, and spent the whole weekend googling whether my baby could still be alive.
On sunday morning I had to attend another hospital for the second half of the abortion. At 9.45am I inserted the antibiotics and 4 misoprostol tablets. I waited until 1pm feeling nothing. The nurse came in with 2 tablets to be taken orally. Within fifteen minutes I was getting contractions, they are a lot heavier than period pains. After about half an hour they were very strong and closer together and I was in a great deal of pain. I had 2 paracetamol tablets the nurse gave me and that helped a lot. I felt a rush of blood soon after and went to the bathroom, it wasn't blood, it was my waters breaking, and there was a lot of water! About 15 minutes later I was in agony again and went to the bathroom, I passed a few small clots, and then I felt what I thought was a large clot. I looked down and to my complete horror, there was my little baby staring up at me. I ended up having to pull it out with tissue paper.

If you do this then I recommend you to not look!

What I saw will continue to affect me for life, the fetus was bigger than my palm, perfectly formed, feet bigger than my nails, and little toenails. Its mouth was in a smile. No one prepares you for just how horrific this is. Half an hour later I passed the (very large) placenta, then the pain stopped, after that my bleeding slowed down considerably and they let me go in a few hours. I didn't get diarrhoea or sickness from the pills, just felt a bit faint and shaken.
I'm a person who's anxious about my health so I'm hoping everything's okay and I won't get an infection or have retained products or anything. I am still in shock from it, and if you are this far on and considering it, be prepared that the psychological impact is big.

No one could of prepared me for this.

I'm still in a stage of denial, regret and anger at being forced into it. It would be a bad idea having a baby at this time of my life, but when you're pregnant nothing is more important than that little life inside of you. Its hard not to think about but they say everything happens for a reason, I don't know what cruel reason this could be for, but I'm trying to find acceptance in what I did.
I know I'll always miss my baby.

Editor's Comment

It sounded very distressing that you saw your fully formed baby and no one had prepared you for that. I think it would be much less of a shock if all this information was explored when you were making your decision so that you knew exactly what it would mean to have a medical abortion at 13 weeks. You may well be in a state of shock and grief at the moment but perhaps sometime in the future you may want to have some post abortion counselling and support.You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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