A surgical abortion

January 2008 and I met someone while working in my local pub and completely fell for his charms. Four weeks later I had a very weird feeling that I was pregnant, at the time my daughter was 8yrs of age so knew what it was like to be pregnant. My world slowing fell apart, what was I to do? I had fallen pregnant the first time I had slept with him. What a mess, I was 11yrs older than him and a single Mum already. When I was 19 I had an abortion and swore that I would never do it again as I really struggled to come to terms with what I did, why did I not learn from then. What an emotional roller coaster the next month was, one day we were keeping it then the next we were not..I always wanted to keep it but he was so young and didn't know his own mind. Because of this I booked myself in without even thinking what it would do to me, I was just going along with it, now I wish I was stronger.

I still don't know to this day why I did go through with it, I wanted my baby.

The day I went in for a surgical abortion I was numb, just going through the motions, every part of me didn't want to be there but this unknown force was taking me there.
I still struggle to write this over 3yrs on and with the help I have received. Before I looked for help my whole world had fallen apart, needless to say my relationship with the Dad didn't last, normal life did not exist, I struggled to look after my daughter, and my family had to help.
I suffered physical pain in the mornings, suicidal thoughts and I could not stop crying. If I saw any pregnant women it was like a stab in the heart, I couldn't go anywhere near friends babies or go near baby shops. Due dates and anniversaries of the date I terminated my baby were horrendous. It came to March 2010 and I was destroying myself and my daughter so I looked for help.

This is when I found Care Confidential and The Journey.

Oh don't get me wrong, it took a while to even pick up the phone to them and the first couple of months I dreaded going to the counsellor every week, picking at all the horrible memories but half way through I started to feel a bit better. I still struggle now on occasions after even having counselling but it is not as near as the pain I had before. I can get on with life on a day to day basis and my daughter is not as affected any more. If you are reading this and relating to any of the feelings then please get in touch with Care Confidential and seek some advice, believe me it will help you to move on...

Editor's Comment

Thank you for recommending CareConfidential. I am glad that you have found help through their Journey post abortion programme. As a single mum you were needing the support of a partner to continue with your pregnancy, and he would not commit to that. This was probably the overiding reason for your decision although looking back you perhaps wondered why you didn't choose to do it alone.

This story was sent in on 19/07/2011

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