My biggest regret of my life

By anonymous on 26/07/2011
I'm a 19 year old girl, and 8 months ago I had an abortion, and here's my story : When I found out I was pregnant I had a mix of emotions. Firstly I was terrified, then I was elated. First thing I I did was call my boyfriend, and being as supportive as he is he said he'll be there for me, no matter what, and the decision is mine. This put pressure on me slightly, but deep down I KNEW what I was going to do, have an abortion.
When I came down stairs my mum was holding my baby niece and I thought there was no better time to tell her. Her instant reaction was 'get rid of it' but it really wasn't as simple as that, I had to seriously think about it.
Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half are madly in love, but we argue a lot and we have no money, he owns a one bedroom flat and we own two puppies.

Our life wasn't ideal for a baby.

Then I decided on an abortion, I went to the doctors who referred me to a clinic a few hours away. I got to the clinic and had a scan, everything just felt like a dream, like it wasn't happening to me but someone else and I was watching it all happen. I didn't feel sad, in fact I didn't feel any emotion, I was completely numb. After finding out I was 2 weeks pregnant I felt a bit better. Then one week later I had to have the abortion. I had to have a few tablets inserted inside me. After around 20 minutes I was in complete agony, throwing up and clotting a lot.

I remember the time I passed the embryo, I looked at it and felt utter regret, and still do to this day.

Knowing that I would have been giving birth next month makes me sick to my stomach because I know we didn't have enough time, 9 months is a long time to do that in, and no one would've loved that baby as much as me. I still cry to my boyfriend now and again and he's always there to comfort me and make me feel better.
Abortion is a serious issue that you NEED to take time and think about it. The doctors may talk to you about the physical risks of an abortion, but they don't prepare you for the emotional and psychological effects of it.
It's a very tough decision to make, trust me, I know, but if you really don't have any attachment to it what so ever, then do it, if there is ANY doubt in you're mind, think long and hard and discuss it with people who know you best, that's my advice to anyone going through what I went though. My biggest regret of my life.

Editor's Comment

Regret is hard to live with, and the reality of abortion sometimes only comes after the event when your emotions have been numb and suppressed. I think the fact that you were very up and down, terrified then elated, sure then undecided, makes recovery much harder. It is really helpful to allow yourself time and space to receive counselling before you make your decision, so that you can unravel some of the thoughts and emotions hidden inside. I hope that you will look for some post abortion support to help you to come to terms with what you have been through.

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