A woman of 37 who has a surgical abortion booked

I'm a woman of 37 and have 2 boys 3 and 6. I'm divorced but live with my partner of 3yrs. I found out I was pregnant 3 wks ago. I had a miscarriage in March of this year and after that traumatic experience decided that another child was not for me.
My first child was an emergency c section then I suffered 18 months of post natal depression. I had my second boy and suffered placenta previa and he was delivered by section 2 months early and was in special care for 6 weeks. These were extremely difficult times as my husband at the time worked away and I could only rely on my mum. I think I wanted a child with my current wonderful partner to experience the "perfect pregnancy/childbirth thing" but in reality it was the wrong thing to do for all of us. My partner had been married before but has no children of his own, he is unbelievable with mine, a natural and that is why I thought it was the right thing to do, to give him a child of his own. However he never pushed me into having a child together. I had decided a baby was not for me and a week later found out I was pregnant! I cried and was in shock however felt extremely guilty about my thoughts. We discussed keeping it and weighed up "pros and cons". It was not best, and my partner is approaching 44 now. I'm booked in for a surgical abortion on Tuesday and a good friend is taking care of me. I know this will be ok and it's a decision that has not been made lightly! My boys would have loved a baby brother or sister. I'm suffering with horrendous morning sickness and nausea throughout the day, generally feel terrible. I'm 7weeks pregnant now. I know this will pass very soon but will not forget what I have done. You have to consider yourself sometimes and I know I couldn't have coped. I cherish what I already have. I choose not to tell a soul about my termination as everybody has an opinion, but you don't know how or what to feel when it happens to you. I know now how silly we were not to use protection to prevent this happening but until I was pregnant, I thought it's what I wanted.

Editor's Comment

I hope that everything goes well for you, and you know that you can always access help and support through this web site. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 03/09/2011

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