A surgical abortion under conscious sedation
Hello Everyone, I just want to start by saying this was the most difficult decision I ever had to make.
I really struggled with it and cried for weeks on end over the agonizing decision.
I spent hours researching everywhere to try and find the most tiny bit of information that would make me comfortable with either the decision to keep the baby or the option to get rid of the baby.
The amazing online advisors here helped me hugely and reading people's stories helped also
This is the reason I am writing on here. I hope that somewhere I will help someone in the same situation.
Making the decision my head and heart felt separated
When making the decision to keep the baby or not, it felt like my body was separated. My heart telling me to keep the baby and my head telling me to not keep the baby.
I was about to start my third year at university, had no money and a boyfriend who really struggled with the idea of being a father in such circumstances. He could not lie to me and told me that he would try to be there but was scared he would run.
At the time I was angry, all I wanted was to hear him say he would support me through what ever, but now I am just happy he was honest and did not leave me once the baby came, if I kept it.
I struggled with it so much and the fact I was not in the country meant that 12 weeks pregnant came by quicker than I thought it would. The idea of being a possible single mum and not being able to give the baby the life I dreamed of, meant I really thought the best option was to have an abortion.
I cried every day but I began to "feel" that it was the right decision rather than just to "know" it is the right decision.
The doctor was worried and really recommended a sedation or anaesthetic
I went to my first appointment at the clinic and was due to have a surgical abortion with no sedation or anaesthetic but the doctor was worried as I was so far along it would be too painful and really recommended that I came back another time when I wasn't driving to have a sedation or anaesthetic.
I am so glad that he told me this.
I went back and had a conscious sedation procedure
I was terrified and the doctors and the nurses made me feel very comfortable. I cannot remember anything about the procedure other than I know I did feel some pain, but this was bearable.
I genuinely thought I would be a mess after the abortion and planned 2 weeks off to recover, not physically but to calm down emotionally. However, within ten minutes of the procedure I just felt relieved. The torment of trying to make the decision was over.
I have found myself having the occasional cry but normally this is me crying because I think I am evil as I feel I should feel more guilty.
I really had worst case scenario in my mind and really did not think I could cope with either decision of keeping the baby or having an abortion.
I do not regret my decision and I thought I would or should I say I was terrified that I would.
All I would say to anyone in a similar position, is take your time to assess everything. This is what I did. I looked at all the support I would get if I was to keep the baby and almost planned for having it and then looked at every option not to keep it. I think this is why I am at peace with my decision.
I looked at every option and did not give myself the option to look back and say "what if I did this"
It is still only a week since I had the abortion and I hope my feelings do not change but I cannot see it happening.
I hope you are not in the same dilemma as I am but if you are, assess everything in your life, every option, every support network you have but over all just take the decision you "feel" is right not what you think you "know" is right.
This story was sent in on 25/08/2011