I come from Asian background: pride, honour & family is everything

Hi, I am 29 years of age, with a Malaysian-Indian background currently living in UK. 2 days ago I had a surgical abortion.

This was something I did not want to do, but I had to do it. How many women want to have an abortion?

It is always because they have to. Many will say, you always have a choice. However, they will be many of you out there reading this who will understand my story. I found I was four weeks pregnant a week ago. At first I was happy, but then reality hit me

I am unmarried and come from Asian background where pride, honour and family is everything

So the choice was obvious, I had to get an abortion.

I was so upset, how could I have done this to myself. I am always so careful. I always wanted to have a baby one day and I am against abortion. I so wanted to make it work, but how? My parents would be so upset, disappointed, ashamed, as my sis said I would literally give them a heart attack.

I took the day off the next day; I went to the GP, to see if there was any test I could to do to confirm I was actually pregnant.

How unlucky, the GP I got that day was coincidently pregnant too. Her advice was quite biased.

As I was already emotional about this, I had second thoughts of maybe I could make it work. But I needed to do the right thing, not for me or for my unborn child, but for my parents who had given me everything. I could not even think of breaking their heart to let them know their daughter in pregnant.

I booked a medical abortion at Marie Stopes

I booked an appointment at Maria Stopes 2 days later, got a scan and decided to go ahead with a medical abortion. At that moment, it didn’t feel as if I was pregnant. I said, it’s tiny as a pea, just multiple cells. This was Thursday; I booked an appointment to start the treatment the next Monday.

I seemed to be fine after that, or I thought I was fine after that. Till the Sunday, I was carrying on with life as if nothing had happened, and it’s just a small procedure and everything will be fine. I broke down on Sunday, I was afraid. I couldn’t believe I was actually going through with the abortion.

I couldn’t go through with the abortion

Monday morning, the day of my medical abortion, I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go through with the abortion

It’s my baby. It’s my first child. My baby is growing in me. It depends on me. It’s my responsibility to make sure it’s safe. How can I do it to my own child?

I broke down, my partner said. Do you want to keep it? I said YES. But how about my parents, I thought I could make it work. Quickly get married, have a reception and everything will be fine.

Spoke to my sis about it. She made me realise, there is no way my parents will be alright with that. It will break them.

In the end, I discussed it again with my partner, and more emotional hours laterI felt there was no choice, parents or pregnancy. I had to go for my parents.

I had a surgical abortion the next day

I made an appointment to have a surgical abortion (under general anaesthetic) the next day. I wanted to get it over with. I would not be able to handle the pregnancy any longer. I am getting more and more attached to it. I don’t want to feel, to know that it’s happening. I would not be able to go through the abortion.

I was in tears right before I was given the anaesthetic. Woke up 15 minutes later, and everything was done. I was still emotional after that. I decided to man up and live with it now. It’s all over. Wasn’t that easy, I feel empty and lost after that. As if part of my life has been taken away from me. I am grieving for my lost child.

I thought it would be easy to bottle it up

I thought it would be easy to bottle it up to put it away. But I was advised not to deny it, but accept it and get through it. I hope everything will be better soon. Hopefully I feel better soon. I hope my partner feels better soon. This whole situation was as difficult for him as for me too. It will take a while till we get over it.

Anyone who has gone through this, will agree that this is a painful emotional process. I wish I never had to do it. I wish things and circumstances were different. I wish I could have continued the pregnancy. I keep having this imagination of this little child who was supposed to be mine... I hope this will pass.....

This story was sent in on 25/08/2011 and it's been viewed 1,062 times.

Editor's comment

It is a painful emotional process and it will take time for you to recover from it, because you struggled with your decision, and felt that you were doing it to protect your parents and not because it was what you wanted.

It is hard because your cultural background sounds as though you would struggle with unplanned pregnancy and abortion, and it seems as though you went for the option that seemed less traumatic.

Your grief and sense of loss is very apparent, and you may feel that having post-abortion counselling would help you to work through some of these emotions. If you would like some help you can find a centre for post-abortion support in your area.

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