A year ago, I had an abortion, my second.

A year ago, I had an abortion, my second. The first abortion was over 20 years ago, carried out when I was 20 years old, at 3 months gestation. It took me many years to get over this, (if indeed I ever did), so to go ahead, in my forties, with another abortion was unbelievable and evil. I desperately miss the baby I recently had aborted, at 8 weeks gestation, and would give anything to put back the clock, but I know I can't. I simply cannot believe that I did it, and will never find peace and forgiveness in this world. My mental state now can only be described as chaotic - I can't function anymore, and hate both myself and the father of the baby for what has happened. I have considered suicide, but am too much of a coward. My message to anybody considering abortion, is to stop and think, and contact websites such as this one, before making any decision. To all extents and purposes, I am dead - I don't want anybody else to go through this. Editor’s note: I’m so glad you had the courage to write in. My heart really goes out to you…you seem to be labouring under compounded guilt, self-contempt and hopelessness, as well as a sense of loss and deep sadness. You seem to be in a very dark and lonely place, but I know, without hesitation, that you can find peace and forgiveness in this world. Abortion has never been and never will be unforgiveable. You can be at peace with yourself again. But first you must be courageous and take the hand of help offered you through this website. Visit your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor. You will be able to talk with someone who understands the despair you feel but who knows that there is hope for you too. You will not be judged but met with compassion, and be supported along the road to recovery and healing. We’ll be thinking of you.

This story was sent in on 10/05/2007

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