I am now finally mourning all my lossesBy anonymous on 13/09/2011
It's hard for me to put this experience down in words as I don't allow myself to think about it as a whole. It's easier for me to allow my brain to process one bit at time.
I believe all this pain and sadness goes back to my father passing away. My mum and him divorced when I was 10, I think in the remaning years of his life I probably saw him about 15 times. When I was 17 I found out that he had passed away. This has affected everything in my life up until now, I don't think I have ever properly dealt with my feelings. I couldn't properly focus on school, dropped out of university. I met B just before we both went to uni. When I dropped out of uni we were several hundred miles apart. I couldn't face it, I began to pull away from him, stopped returning his calls, it was as if I felt that I wasn't good enough for him, this broken person. I tried to hide it, put on my "happy face" everyone thought I was ok. I made one the biggest mistakes of my life beginning a relationship with a man I will call H who was nowhere near to my ideal, I became pregnant and denied it for 12 long weeks. At this time I was also still seeing B casually (on my part). I told B and a close friend about my abortion.