A follow up story to a medical abortion
Two weeks after my 8 week medical abortion I had to have a follow up scan as the products of pregnancy were not passed during my time in hospital. Whereas my first scan had taken place on the ward where I had my abortion this second scan was in the ultrasound unit which meant I was sat waiting with happily pregnant women. I did occasionally think "that could've been me" but generally I was not bothered at the change of location.
The doctor who did my second scan was very nice, even making me laugh while she rolled over my tummy. Unfortunately I had not drank enough and she could not see so asked if she could perform an internal scan. Usually I would be quite shy of getting my bits out but after the last few weeks it seemed normal. I was expecting it to be sore but I preferred it to the abdominal scan, which had really pressed against my bladder and been uncomfortable, but this was painless and much clearer on screen. Afterwards I had to sit in the waiting room & wait for a report to be typed up that I was to take with me back to the ward I had been on.
After a short wait I was back in the abortion ward and seeing the nurse I had on a previous visit. She said she was happy to officially discharge me as the follow up scan had showed my womb to be empty (meaning I had indeed passed the embryo/fetus on my first toilet visit after leaving hospital) and my chlamydia test to be negative. I had read a few stories about women asking to see/ have their scan picture and I thought it was something I would like to do. However due to my emotional distress at other visits and this final one I was refused. She did let my see the scan, which was taken at 7+3 weeks. I couldn't really make anything out so she pointed out the fetus which was in the top left corner and barely visable and most importantly for me not "baby shaped". I was happy to have been shown and understand her reasons for refusing my request to keep a copy. I guess a constant reminder would have set me back on my path to come to terms with what I have done although I can picture the scan clearly in my head.
I have also seen the father for the first time since I got pregnant and had the abortion. It helped me alot to talk things through with him, although my friends are great I don't know if they fully understand my decision. Most of all I just wanted him to hug me and say I did the right thing, which he did. I guess as my ex and now father to my first pregnancy we will always have a bond, although I realise now I need to get over him and move on.
I still have wobbly days, still have the occasional cry and will probably always wonder "what if" but I just have to remember I did the best thing for me, the father and our baby. Writing both my abortion and follow up stories has also helped me, I have the pages saved on my laptop. I hope both can be of use to women in a similar position just as other women's stories have helped me :)