I found out I was pregnant a month after my boyfriend and I broke up...
I was nineteen, switching colleges and moving to the city to live on my own with my best friend. I found out I was pregnant a month after my boyfriend and I broke up. We were together on and off for about 3 years, and when I told him I thought I might be, his first response was, ‘I’ll take it as a sign that we are meant to be’. Then the first response I got when the test came up positive was, ‘We can't have this child’. To this day I would love to blame him for all of this, but I know that I should have been strong enough to not hear the words he spoke to me, and do what I knew was right. I regret my decision every day.
I want to know if it was going to be a little girl or boy, look like me or him? If I could go back, no doubt in my mind, I would, and I would be a mother of a beautiful child today. Abortion is a huge decision, and I hope that everyone who faces a decision like that really thinks about it. I wish I had gone to my mother, and my best friend, and my sister, so I would have had a support system. My mom now knows that I had an abortion, and she doesn’t understand why. She, along with the rest of my family, would have been there for me and my baby.
Abortion is not wrong in my mind, but it’s not for everyone. Just make sure you have looked at all other options and really thought about what you are doing. I didn't do that, and I know I would have not gone through with it if I had.
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in and telling us your story…you sound sad and regretful about your decision, with a longing in your heart, thinking often about what might have been. For you, as for many women, a key factor was the support - or lack of it - from your partner and feeling unable to seek support from those closest to you.
Whether you consider abortion is right or wrong, it seems to have caused you pain in your heart and it’s your heart that’s now asking those questions about your baby. If you haven’t yet found some understanding support, it is available for you. It will enable you to relate more healthily to your experience, grieve the loss of your baby, help you recover confidence in your decision making and perhaps have a healing conversation with your mum. You don’t have to cope alone.
If you are in the US, you can find help from Optionline 800.395.HELP, but if you are in the UK, ring the helpline, visit your nearest centre or use Online Advisor.