I had a medical abortion today, at 7 weeks and 6 days.
This has been like a living hell and I am so relieved it is all over. How I may feel in the coming weeks, months years.... I don't know. I have written all my thoughts down, and will keep them to assure myself that I have made the best decision at this time for me and my family.
I am 35 with a beautiful much cherished 3 year old daughter. My husband and I had talked about having more, but always talked ourselves out of it.
Then, just before Xmas we had stupid unprotected sex, but were sure nothing would come of it. With our daughter we had tried for about 2 years and I knew my cycle like the back of my hand so I was convinced I couldn't get pregnant. Stupidly convinced......
just after New Year I did a test and was distraught to see a big fat positive.I was so angry. How could I have let myself get into this situation?
After weeks of heartache, numerous conversations with husband, plenty of tears.... And some assistance from CareConfidential, I was able to break through the fog and make the decision. I have had to wait for 3 weeks for the appointment, and that has been tough as I have had the worst morning sickness. I have just wanted it all to be over.
The hardest thing is looking at my husband and knowing that I am getting rid of something that is his.I have taken charge of this situation, and have had to make a difficult choice, that only a woman can make. But then I think of our life, and look at my daughter and know it is right.
The experience has been awful and I would not wish it on anyone. However, the dr and nurse at the hospital were absolutely fantastic. Very understanding, and have made it all very normal for me. I won't lie, the pain was intense and having to pass clots into a bedpan was not pleasant.
The best and worst thing I did was read too much on the Internet. No one can make you feel "ok" about this decision, but I want others to know that they are not alone. Abortion has a real stigma attached and it is sad that we have to be so hard on ourselves for being strong and making difficult decisions.
My plan now is to get on with my life with my wonderful family.