I found out that I was pregnant on Sunday 2nd April after being a week late...
I want to tell you my story because it's one that shows in the midst of tough times, there are people out there who care and you will be surprised at the generosity of strangers. I found out that I was pregnant on Sunday 2nd April and after being a week late, I went round to my sister’s and did a test but deep down I knew that I was. The first thing I did was burst into tears. Lots of things went through my head and my sister told me that I should go home and put a DVD on and try to get some sleep. She recommended Vera Drake. She said she watches the first five minutes and she’s asleep. I pointed out that it is about backstreet abortions and we laugh about it now.
The next day I told my mum and my sisters and then built up the courage to ring the dad. We were not together but we did have feelings for each other and the night before I found out, he told my mum that he really liked me, so having to tell him was scary. He didn't get angry or shout. He was calm and we arranged to meet up the next day. When I went round the next day, we had a cup of tea and spoke about our options. He said whatever I decided he would be there and that I am not going to have to do it all on my own. My mum told my dad that night and I was lucky because they all told me that whatever I decided they would support it and that they loved me and we would get through it. I was in two minds but abortion seemed the way I was headed so I booked an appointment at the doctors and then had to wait another week and a half before I had my first hospital appointment.
I decided that if I got to the hospital and felt that I couldn't go through with it I wouldn't. We went to the first appointment and it sounds weird but we had a laugh. I got down there and the ward kept having power cuts so I had to pee in a pot in the dark and then after having my blood tests taken I was saying to him you might as well tell me if you have got anything because I am going to find out anyway. I also had an internal and made the choice to have a surgical termination and was booked in for Saturday 5th May bank holiday weekend.
Over the next couple of weeks I didn't get much sleep and we fell out a couple of times. But the day before he sent me a message saying I know it is going to be hard but I will always be there for you, chin up, in it together. It was what I needed to hear and made me feel better.
The next morning I woke up at half five and had a bath, said bye to my parents and they gave me a hug and said everything is going to be ok and that they loved me. We went down to the hospital and arrived at about seven thirty. We sat in the first waiting room until about half eight and then I decided that I wanted to do the rest by myself. So he left or so I thought. I went in and saw a nurse and then I changed into my dressing gown and had pessaries inserted, which are tablets that are inserted in the same way as a tampon. It doesn't hurt. I sat there watching TV and reading with girls of all ages until it was my turn. At ten, I was taken into a room and put to sleep. The image I went to sleep with was of my sister who happens to be pregnant holding my hand telling me that everything was going to be fine. Then before I knew it I was coming round saying that I liked the dad and that I wanted a cup of tea. I remember asking the nurse for the time and she said half ten I felt like i had been asleep for hours but I hadn't. It had been twenty minutes. I then had my sanitary towel checked, got dressed and was taken into the recovery room and given some toast. I texted my mum to say I was ok and I texted the dad and said I would be ready at twelve. Everyone around me was leaving but because where we live is forty minutes from the hospital I was the last to leave.
What I didn't know was that the dad hadn't left the hospital at all. He had been sat waiting in his car the whole time. Whilst I was in the recovery room, this lad who was with his girlfriend came up to me and said I thought you might like these and brought me a pack of Maltesers, which I have never opened but have kept along with my hospital band. Another lad offered to take me home because he knows that you are not allowed to leave unless you have someone to look after you.
I was ten weeks pregnant when I had my termination, I barely bled and I never had any pain or discomfort. I also never had morning sickness so I guess I have been really lucky. He gave me a lift home and from there my mum looked after me. She brought me a lovely white teddy bear and a box of chocs. I was quite emotional and my sister brought me over a card and some flowers to cheer me up.
I kept saying that because the physical side was easy and pain free that it was all a little too easy and then a few days later I realised that the emotional side is what makes it hard. I sent the dad a message over the net saying thanks for everything and that I will always be grateful and that I didn't want to fall out. After all it was an accident.
I went out on the Saturday night and one of his friends told me he knew and asked if I was ok and was really good about things. When I went home that night I got a little upset and texted the dad asking exactly who knew. I wanted to know because I had not told any of my friends and we socialise in the same group. I had no reply. The following Friday night, I was out and he was a little drunk and we spoke about stuff and I realised that he cared a lot more about the situation than I thought. I stayed back at his house we had a bit of a kiss but nothing else. He kept saying sorry and I said it's not your fault. But the next night I found out what he meant. One of my best bloke mates, who he is also friends with, told me that he knew and so did some of my friends had known for weeks. I also got told that the night before they went out for a meal before coming into town and it came out round the table. So it all made sense. I did cry and get a little upset but I wasn't hurt that he told everyone. I was hurt that I had to trust him and he couldn't trust me enough to tell me. I have always said I would rather know the worst of the truth than to be lied to. The next couple of times I went out, I got really drunk and had a go at him. I didn't mean to and I don't remember. I have said some things that I know I can't take back and I never wanted it to be like that. I have apologised and also said that I needed some space. However, this only lasted a couple of weeks and last weekend we spoke and he started telling me that he really cares and I told him that we can be friends but I am not going back to the way it was before all this happened. But I have already moved on in my life and I am really happy at the minute. I like a lad in the same crowd, who I have known for a while and the night I found out everyone knew he looked after me. He didn't know why I was upset but he was still there. I told him the next day and we have been getting on really well so who knows?
I am off to Ibiza with a couple of mates on Friday for the week and things in general are great. Occasionally I think about things but with the support of my family and friends I know it's all going to be ok. In a way I am glad that everyone knows. I thought people would judge me but they don't and I have found out that some of my friends have been through it. People just didn't know.
I do advise people to talk about it and if you can tell the parents or the dad then do. Sometimes the reactions you get aren't as bad as you think. However it is a risk and you can't guarantee how people will react. I am so thankful for the family and friends I have and all the support I have got. Even strangers help you in a time of need and I will never forget how a little bit of generosity goes a long way. I don't think I will ever regret my decision.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story. It’s good to hear how positively people supported you and how much kindness you were shown. It sounds as if these things made a real difference to you. It also sounds as if your thoughts were very much preoccupied with your relationship after the termination. You hinted that a termination is an emotional experience - although you haven’t said a great deal about what sort of emotions affected you afterwards – but if you ever feel you need to talk through your experience in terms of the emotional effects, you can call the helpline, visit a centre or use Online Advisor. Thanks for writing in.
This story was sent in on 25/06/2007
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