How could I terminate my baby when it hurt so much to lose the 2 we had already lost.By anonymous on 15/05/2012
It hurts me to write this. How I wish I had done things so differently. My partner had recently had a vasectomy and we were using protection, so I don't know what happened. I thought I was pregnant, but had got a negative test result, even had a normal, but late period and went to the dr to get on the pill to make sure we didn't have a scare again. Then I started to feel really sick, more than I did with my other pregnancies.
I tested again, expecting it to be negative, and to my utter shock, it was positive.My little boy was not long turned a year, my daughter was 9. I wasn't ready to have a baby again. I was very overweight at the time, and also was when I was pregnant with my son. Previously I had had 2 miscarriages, which I was told was due to my weight, I was devastated, and blamed myself for the losses.
This is another reason why a termination was such a difficult decision. How could I terminate my baby when it hurt so much to lose the 2 we had already lost.
Whilst pregnant with my son,because I was still overweight, I was so stressed out that something bad would happen the whole pregnancy, I wasn't in a great place mentally. I didn't feel I could cope with the stress again. My partner was/is suffering from severe depression, we were struggling for money, had no space and I found out that the pill I had started taking, could seriously damage the baby's development. My head was a total blur, I cried constantly. I just didn't know what to do. I had always been set totally against abortion. Said I would never ever do it. I'm so lucky I have a supportive family. I explained the situation to my mum and dad, they where fantastic, and I thank them for that. After many hours of talking it through with my partner (who was not really able to cope at the time) and my parents, I went to see the Dr. I couldn't even bring myself to say "the" word! I was so low from feeling sick, being so confused and feeling as if my body wasn't my own. I now know how selfish I was. Mum came with me to the hospital, my partner was working. I was shaking as I took the pill. I very nearly stopped myself. When I took it I was crying, holding my belly, telling my baby that I was sorry, and that, even though I was doing this. Mummy did love him/her,but I just couldn't have them, I had to think about my and daddy's health as I had 2 children I needed to be here for. I went home straight after, expecting to go back in the morning for the rest of my pills but I suddenly started bleeding very heavily. That evening I stood up and everyting went mad. Blood everywhere. And then the worst thing happened.....