I had a medical abortion due to a brain abnormality

Sometime ago I had a medical abortion due to a brain abnormality when I was 3 months gone and that was the hardest choice of my whole life.
Since then I have struggled a lot with getting on with my life. Everyday things that I just used to do without thinking, take days to tackle. Some days are good some not so good.
It's been 5 months now and I just found out I'm pregnant again.
I'm going to see the doctor next week but I'm terrified something will go wrong. I think I'm blocking it out of my head, acting as if I'm not pregnant because I can't deal with it if it happened again.
I'm confused and I won't allow myself to think about having a baby. I'm 5 weeks with no symptoms at all. I missed a period and did a test so that is how I know.
I feel there are a lot of things I need to say and let out but I'm just too scared. I just hope everything is fine in this pregnancy. I haven't told anyone yet not because I'm hiding but because I can't bring myself to say those words.

Editor's Comment

It is a very hard decision to have an abortion for an abnormality, and it sounds as though you felt depressed after going through this. I can understand your fears about this pregnancy and until you have had a scan and know that everything looks normal, I am sure you will have a lot of anxieties. If you would like some pregnancy support to help you through this time, please contact CareConfidential.find a centre for pregnancy support in your area.
This story was sent in on 02/06/2012

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