My Mum told me 'you're getting an abortion'.

It was two days before my High School graduation. I was having terrible stomach pains so I decided to go to the doctor. They asked me did I want to take a pregnancy test and I told them no because I was on birth control.
The doctor insisted anyway; came back with the test and it was positive. I couldn't believe it I knew I missed my BC once or twice but I was convinced that if I took two the following day they would still be effective.
The doctor gave me a second pregnancy test just to appease me and it was POSITIVE. After receiving the news I had to leave the doctor's office to head straight to graduation practice, I was so embarrassed. I felt as if everyone knew; I felt like they were all watching me. I didn't know what was going to happen, how was I going to deal with the situation. I had to put the situation on hold because I had to give a speech at graduation and I didn't want it to bother me so instead I just pretended like it was a dream. Graduation passed and reality set in.

I told the father of my child and he was so ecstatic.

He was just like "you've made your bed, now lie in it". Days passed, I was torn I didn't know what to do so I told my mom and her response was YOU'RE GETTING AN ABORTION.
My mom was so mad, I was only 17 years old. She told me that was my only option or she would basically disown me.
When I told my bf about the decision he was really mad he told me he was not going to help pay to kill his child.
On June 17, 2009 I walked into the abortion clinic with chills. I was so nervous I didn't know whether I was making the right decision. Before the procedure the doctor gave me an ultrasound to see how far along I was, I was 8 and a half weeks. We went into a different room the doctor was really mean he was just like take your clothes off, get on the table and don't move". "If you move something will definitely go wrong and you just might be hospitalized".

I was so scared.

My mother didn't pay for anesthesia so I just had to hold a gas mask up to my face. The nurse held my hand, one shot of Novocaine then two and so forth after the fourth I didn't feel anything.
It happened so fast and as the drugs in the gas mask was starting to kick in I saw my life flash in front of me. I heard my baby talking to me saying "Why mommy?, Why me?
I don't think it took more than 5 minutes and it was over. I put on my clothes ran out and burst into tears.
I cried the whole ride home. I cried because I felt like I could have made my own decision to keep my baby. Yes my mother told me to get an abortion but did I really have to? Of course she would've been mad but would she really have disowned me, I don't think so.

It's been three years since the abortion and I can still relive the day like it was yesterday.

It still hurts me and I feel like I've made the wrong decision. I cringe when I hear vacuums, I hate being around my friends who have kids. I've had to go to counseling for post abortion syndrome. So if you're every thinking about having an abortion; wait take so time to think about it. Because in the end it's something that you have to live with for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Editor's Comment

This is a very sad story because as you say you have to live with this decision for the rest of your life. It is hard to look back and wonder if you could have stood up to your mum. You were young and perhaps felt powerless to make a stand for yourself. I am glad you have had some counselling and would encourage you to get some more counselling if you are still struggling with this experience

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