I had an abortion in May 2011. I was 7 weeks & 5 days gone.
I had a medical abortion.
I remember the first day I found out I was pregnant. It was almost as if I sensed it. I was 15 & me & the father no longer had a relationship it was too complicated.
I brought a pregnancy test and did the test as my bestfriend waited outside.
As soon as it turned to positive my heart sunk.I was terrified.
The first thing I did was go to the doctor's to arrange an abortion. It had all happened so fast and I did not know what else to do. Later that day I told the father and he didn't care at all his reply was "well I hope you're getting rid of it".
Soon my abortion was arranged. I did not tell my mum, I told my bestfriend's older sister who had been through it herself when she was 15.
One day I came home from school and packed my things and went to my bestfriend's sister's with my bestfriend. When I got there I told my mum all about it and it broke her heart.
I didn't want my mum to have anything to do with my abortion, I didn't want her involved.My abortion date grew closer and my bestfriend's sister was trying to convince me to keep the baby & told me she would support me all the way. She took me step by step through money arrangements, school arrangments & everything, and I did consider it, but I felt pressured that I would lose my family and my relationships with people like my mum would be ruined.
The day arrived when I had to go hospital for the first part of the abortion. I had a scan but wasn't allowed to see it. That broke my heart.
I went home that night and my bestfriend and her sister were saying it's not too late to back out, you still have a chance to keep this baby, but I had no family support and all the father was worried about was making sure I had an abortion. He didn't care about the pain it would cause.
The next day was the day for the rest of the full abortion. I was in the hospital for 8 hours, the bleeding started and the abortion was now in progress.
I cried and cried but it was too late to go back, it was the worst experience of my life.I even rang my mum to come to the hospital because I couldn't cope anymore, I needed her. . I pushed everyone close to me away. I saw my ex a few times after but he didn't care.
I never spoke about it and I never let it hurt me, I put it off and didn't think about it again until now.
I am in a new relationship and I have managed to open up to my partner about the abortion.
But recently it seems that the guilt and sadness has only just bounced back to me, over a year later I am finding it hard to come to terms with my abortion. I feel regret and guilt and I don't understand why it has taken so long for me to feel this & realise how much it really hurts.