A surgical termination at 7 weeks

I'm 34, and have 4 children.
Yesterday I had a surgical termination at 7 weeks.
My reasons were that my 6 year old son has severe autism, and we have had a very difficult time with him recently. He has not been able to attend school, due to his uncontrollable screaming, self harming etc.
My two smaller children have been literally petrified at their brother's behaviours and run to me every time he has a meltdown.
I felt that introducing a new baby, even though it would be very loved by all, would have been selfish on my part and that of my children who are already here. The problem now is that I cannot believe what I have done.

I miss my baby so much and feel like my heart has been torn out.

This was my child and I can never ever get him/her back...ever. My partner has always been so supportive and I know that this hurts him too. All I want now is to get pregnant again and hold my baby. This situation hurts so bad.

Editor's Comment

I am so sorry that your circumstances were so stressful you felt that you could not continue the pregnancy. It must have been an agonising decision, and I think you blocked out your heart feelings to do what you felt was right for your family. Your heart is now telling you it is hurting terribly, and you are grieving for your loss.
Please contact Careconfidential to get some help and support. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 19/08/2012

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