I found out I was pregnant when I was 6 weeks. I also have a son who is 5 with kidney problems and a genetic disorder.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 6 weeks. I also have a son who is 5 with kidney problems and a genetic disorder. His dad died before he was born. I met someone who I thought cared about us but soon realised he only wanted me. Then I found out I was pregnant! I told him and, at first, he was great. Then he pushed for an abortion! But I made my decision on how I would cope because I knew that whatever happened I was on my own. It was hard and still is but I had an abortion. I still cry for the baby! I miss it every day. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't make it easy. I have met someone that loves my son and accepts what I have done and cuddles me when it gets hard, and listens to me when I need to talk - something I have never had! It doesn’t make it easy. I still hate myself even though I did it for the right reasons. Editor’s note: Thanks for telling your story. It sounds like you have had great difficulties to learn to live with – yet this seems the hardest, doesn’t it? You made the best decision you could at the time, but it has cost you dearly. It has cost you the peace you had with yourself; it has cost you your self-esteem and it has cost you great sadness at the loss of your baby. The grief and loss you feel are normal for many women who have had a termination, but there is a journey of recovery that is available for you. It’s a journey that will begin with enabling you to acknowledge all the feelings you have, whether of anger, grief or guilt, and finally to commemorate your baby too. All you need to do is make an appointment at your nearest centre or ring the helpline to find out more about this free service and begin walking a journey of recovery.

This story was sent in on 09/07/2007

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