One year update.

By anonymous on 13/10/2012
Time has gone quick, this time last year on 22 September, Me and boyfriend then 18 and 19 were looking at a positive pregnancy test. At first we were happy but then reality crept in.

I wrote here in October last year explaining my termination at 7 weeks 6 days at BPAS. I was finding it very hard. There wouldn't be a day I didn't think about what I'd done.

A year later and it has got easier but I do still think about the baby every day and I still have the pregnancy test in its box tucked away in a draw.

This September I found tough as I was actually pregnant and as the termination date approaches in October I find myself replaying everything that happened.

I wasn't pushed into the termination by my boyfriend or our families, but where I was so scared I just went along with it as if I was in my own little bubble.

I do know now if I was thinking with a straight mind I wouldn't have done it.

But at the time I was thinking of all the negatives along with everyone else and not the positives and that there are people to help young parents. But it was too late.

A year later me and my boyfriend are still together and going strong. Not saying it’s been easy the past year because it has had an impact. It has made me grow up and I feel more mature but the thought of having a 4 month old right now is hard and still brings a tear to my eye.

**I thought having this termination would give me the life I used to have back with no worrying, but I was never going to get that life back, that stopped the day I got ‘Pregnant’ on the test.** The paths for me were either having the baby or living with terminating my pregnancy. This will never leave me and I do believe my life will move on but it will never be the same.

Editor's Comment

Thank you for giving us an update on your story. It really helps to hear how you feel a year after the event, and to look back when things don't feel so raw. I think many women hope that an abortion will turn the clock back, but in reality it does change you and as you have said your life is not the same after an experience like this.

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