I had an abortion at 13 weeks and 5 days

I'm 16 and I had an abortion at 13 weeks and 5 days, I would be 9 months by now.
When I first made the decision to get rid of the baby I knew it was the right thing to do, I was still taking my gcse's and there was no way me and my boyfriend would have been able to give the baby the life it deserved.
My mum took me to the abortion and on the way there she asked me if I was sure it was what I wanted. I said 'yes' because she had always said that if me and my sisters were ever to get pregnant at my age she would make us get an abortion, so I felt I had to say yes.

Now every single day I regret the decision I made and I wish I had asked her to turn the car around.

I don't know what to do, every day I think about what the baby would have looked like, whether it was a boy or girl, how my life would be if I kept it etc. and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I feel.
I feel stupid, I knew what I was doing and everyone told me it would be emotional and possibly one of the hardest things to go through but I thought I was strong enough, and now I just feel weak. I just wish I could turn back time. I thought by getting the abortion everything would go back to normal, but even now I just feel empty and as if something's missing.

Editor's Comment

You were still very young at 16 when you were pregnant,and it must have been overwhelming trying to do your exams, and face your mum knowing she wanted you to have an abortion.
What you are feeling now are deeper feelings that you probably buried and are now coming to the surface. Sadly you have to accept that you can't change the past, but you can change the way you think about it by working through some of the painful emotions you are feeling.find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 17/10/2012

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