I had the abortion today

I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two and a half years, we're crazy about each other and have always talked about marriage and children. I graduated from university last summer and am currently working full time but searching for my dream job.
I moved to a different city in September and didn't register at a doctors for a while, I'd run out of my contraception and kept putting off going and getting more. Me and my boyfriend continued to have sex, trying to be careful, looking back it was a stupid idea. I'd been on the pill for 5 years and even before that my periods were always very regular. My period in December was over a week early, but I put it down to a diet I was on, I've never had a healthy relationship with my weight and had been taking some weight loss tablets as well. I'd had a look online and learnt that low carb diets can cause your periods to be early.
My period in January was late, I expected my period on a Saturday and by Tuesday I was in a state of panic. I bought two pregnancy tests that morning, the first came back with an invalid result, the second came back negative. I left both in my bag as I was in work, for some reason I had a second look at the negative one on my lunchbreak before I was about to throw it away and saw a positive result. I remember reading the instructions that clearly stated do not read after 10 minutes, it had been an hour or so. I went to see my GP they evening who pretty much said I was being stupid, I wasn't pregnant, he wouldn't let me do another test, just advised me to wait another week. I waited until my period was 7 day late and did two more home tests they came back positive. My heart sank. I called Marie Stopes minutes later to find out what to do next, at this I felt reluctant to go back to my GP. They went though the options with me and estimated I was around 5 weeks pregnant dating back to my period in December. I was booked in for a surgical abortion not the following Monday but the week after. The next week I spent panicking I was terrified my period in December was maybe a false alarm and I'd been pregnant even longer. I'd been having unprotected sex since October. I spent a lot of time using the Internet to try and find out what the procedure and pain would be like. I had the abortion today and have to say it was as good as the experience could have been if I can say that, I went in at half 9, had my blood tested, and had a scan. The scan was strange I could not see the screen but I could see the nurse's face and the refection of it in her eyes. This is where I felt guilt and like the most selfish person in the world, she confirmed I was around 6 weeks and that 'it' was 'teeney tiny'' she explained that the surgical abortion would take around 3 minutes because of the size. I chose to be sedated. I went through to the waiting room and was called straight away and taken to the operating room. I lay down and had to put my feet in stirrups I then had a needle in my arm and was given the anaesthetic, I don't remember anything after that until being told it was over, then next I remember sitting down in a room full of girls coming round. I wasn't in any pain, I just felt spaced out. I was given water and a biscuit and sat there for another 30 minutes. I was given a weeks antibiotics and an aftercare helpline and booklet and 2 more pregnancy tests, I am to do those in 3 weeks time. I stupidly went back to work that afternoon and fainted twice. I hadn't told work what had happened I said I'd been for blood tests. I would recommend at least a day off, although I felt fine a lot had happened to my body and I clearly should have rested. I've had no pain this evening, I feel relieved but at the same time so guilty. I hope this helps anyone going through the same thing. My boyfriend has been amazing throughout.

Editor's Comment

It may be worth you talking to a pregnancy practitioner about your feelings of guilt and explore with them where that has come from. It sounded as though your decision was quite clear cut and you did not struggle to choose the abortion option, so I wonder why you are feeling guilty.You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 28/01/2013 and it's been viewed 604 times.

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