I knew he wasn't mature enough for children so sorted a doctors appointment for an abortion
Hello to all the women reading this, I'm twenty-one years old, at a perfect age to have healthy, young children. I had tried previous methods of contraception such as the pill (which didn't suit me) and the patch.
The patch made me vomit and was not suitable for my body at all. Condoms ruined the mood, I struggled to find a balance other than thinking I couldn't have kids due to the amount of times I had risked having unprotected sex with my boyfriend. How wrong and selfish was I to think this...
My period was late but it didn't click
After using the pull out method during April time, I realised my period was a little bit later than usual but didn't click initially as my cycle had varied a lot during the past couple of months.
I bought a test and took it one morning only to find out that I was pregnant.
Excitement hit me but also sadness because I knew my boyfriend was no way near enough mature for children and our relationship was struggling already, what with recently moving out (literally less than a month) and trying to get accustomed to our new surroundings and responsibilities.
I felt sad because I felt I wouldn't cope as a single mum
Straight away, I sorted a doctors appointment after discussion with my boyfriend. We were both 50/50 at first but my other half soon swung to 60/40, opting for abortion as he didn't think we were stable enough as a couple to have kids. It made me feel sad inside because I also felt I wasn't able to cope with being a single mum at my age if he was to leave me.
Some of my colleagues noticed a change in me and constantly asked me what was wrong until I eventually snapped and opened up to a few of them, only to receive mixed responses and a ton of regret, not to mention shame. In the end, I ended up having two weeks off work to sort my head out, having chosen abortion as my route.
Strong morning sickness
I also suffered from strong morning sickness, water infections were just starting to creep in also... But I want to cut to the chase really and let other women out there know that it's okay to struggle, to constantly feel up and down.
I went to the hospital where they did a scan which I didn't see, took my blood and gave me plenty of leaflets and advice. It was a tearful moment as they probed me emotionally to see if this was what I wanted. I felt like I was making this decision to save my relationship with my boyfriend, to plan for kids one day in the long term.
I chose medical abortion instead of surgical
I went back during the start of the next week to a different hospital in the area. I had chosen the medical abortion instead of the surgical.
The first appointment
After a bit of a wait that morning, I was told to swallow a tablet and go home. I experienced no bleeding.
The second appointment
The next day, at around 8 AM, I returned. They had given me a list from the day before on what to bring, such as fresh knickers and soft clothes to wear.
They inserted three to four tablets into my vagina and some sort of painkiller suppository... BASICALLY, up my bum. I was then shown to a room with only curtains separating me from the rest of the girls. I could already hear some of them being sick.
Luckily, I wasn't sick. I had chosen not to eat, hoping my body would hold out. After an hour, I was told to walk. Walk, walk, walk. My boyfriend encouraged me and walked round with me. You were not allowed to sit for too long due to clots.
The cramps were very mild for the first hour, I'd say the strongest they felt was probably an 8 on a pain scale but it was nothing unbearable. I requested a heating pad which had to be plugged in, which I sat with during my walking breaks to try and ease the cramps.
I was brave enough to look
Luckily for me, I passed the whole pregnancy at the clinic and was even brave enough to have a look.
I had to wait 2 weeks and a bit for this appointment so I was 8 weeks and 4 days from my LMP.
Thankfully for me, although as sad as it was and without staring too much, it didn't happen to upset me too much as it didn't happen to resemble a baby as much as I thought it was going to. I pulled the cord and a nurse would come to collect the cardboard tray each time. I remember the first time, was plainly diarrhoea - this is a common side effect!
One of the girls in my room wasn't walking at all and was sprawled out over the floor in pain. The nurses practically had to force this poor girl to walk. She already had two kids so I was initially surprised by how much she was struggling. From what I heard, she hadn't taken the suppository. She wasn't allowed to have this now. The nurses ended up giving her a heating pad and plenty of pep talks as she cried through her pain.
I'm the biggest wuss ever and I felt myself feeling extremely proud of myself, despite what the day consisted of.
I had a few large clots which made one of the nurses request to examine me. I was told to walk for twenty minute periods and to not sit down. I did this and managed to diminish the clots. I was also pleased because this meant I wasn't going to need an injection in my bum!
In all, I was there for almost 8 hours, I was given a cheese sandwich and I kept my sugar levels up with sugary drinks.
Emotionally and physically it's not easy
Don't get me wrong, emotionally and physically, it isn't easy but with the support of family and other factors, it is bearable. I try to think of the positive things, to put any sadness to the back of my mind.
There are so many things I want to do before I have kids, such as drive, be successful, etc. I've asked to have the coil fitted and until this time, I plan on not having any sex at all until this is done.
To anyone feeling scared, don't be
I think it's important that we learn from our experiences but to anyone feeling scared, don't be. If you aren't ready for this then go for it. It really wasn't anything as bad as what I had expected from all of the horror stories I'd read.
This story was sent in on 12/06/2013