I am 29 years old and recently underwent a surgical abortion

I am 29 years old and recently underwent a surgical abortion (I was 6 weeks pregnant). By then I was in a complicated relationship with a man 24 years my senior. Although we shared a lot of things in common, I felt that the age difference was becoming an issue. I was not satisfied in the relationship and tried to break up several times in the past months. However he viewed things differently; he wanted a family and children. Due to a medical issue I was not allowed to take oral contraceptives so I had to rely on my partner, and methods of contraception that are not 100% effective.
So, when I discovered I was pregnant my feelings were very ambivalent. On one hand I was thinking what my life would be like if I married this man and had children and on the other hand I felt that somehow I was trapped into this situation. Also I felt that if my decision would be abortion I had to make it really fast, because I knew I couldn't afford psychologically to do a 10 or 12th week abortion. So I have to say that it was a decision I made under a lot of psychological pressure.

The procedure itself was rather painless. It took less than 2 hours from the time I arrived at the clinic to the time I left. Less than 5 minutes was the abortion itself under sedation. I even went there alone with no escorts.
I have to mention here that I am not a religious person. However I found the whole situation very psychologically conflicting because it makes you face at once all your problems (personal, financial etc). Especially when you are older you are wondering where is your life heading.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though this unintended pregnancy has focused your mind on your future, and whether you really want to be with this partner long term. Perhaps this will give you the strength to choose what you want for your future, and if that means ending your relationship it may be better than drifting on knowing you want different things. If you find that the conflict you have experienced continues, it would be worth having some post abortion support to resolve these issues. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 30/08/2013

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