I remember it as if it was yesterday

I remember it as if it was yesterday ..it was 20th May 2006 when I went out with my boyfriend I was turning 21 that year. We went out had fun and we used a condom the first time but then the next morning we had sex again and I thought I was safe. The month ended and I realized I hadn't had my period. I bought a pregnancy test and it was positive and I did 5 more but it didn't change.
I told my boyfriend and he said it wasn't his but I told him him it was his because he was my only boyfriend and he told me he was never coming back.
I thought that I couldn't have a baby by myself because I was not working. He gave me money to abort but I didn't want to do this. 3 weeks later it hit me that I couldn't have a baby by myself.
I went to my local clinic and had an abortion. Looking back now I regret it and I miss my child so much. I feel like God is angry with me and it hurts so much because now I can't conceive. And it hurts me I can't live with myself because it's hurting so bad.

Editor's Comment

You must have found it hard when your boyfriend walked away and refused to support you. I think that regrets about a decision are more common when you have felt pressurised into it. It may help you to have some post abortion support because the abortion is still so painful for you, and this would help you to work through that pain and regret. You may feel at the moment that nothing can help especially if you have been unable to fall pregnant again. However, The Journey post abortion support programme really does work and many women have found new hope and peace after going through it. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 09/10/2013

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