Just last week I aborted my very wanted baby girl.By anonymous on 12/11/2013
Just last week I aborted my very wanted baby girl. My baby was diagnosed with Down's syndrome, heart and kidney problems. I regret my decision until today. I cannot forget the day I came to the hospital then the doctor put me to sleep, and 1 hour later when I woke up everything was done, no pain. But since then I cannot stop crying.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I was bleeding a lot, and the doctor gave me duphastone (tablets to help with the bleeding), injection and was asked to bed rest for the whole 4 months of pregnancy. I told my baby everyday to be strong. I was planning to open a business but cancelled as I couldn't move from my bed. I lost lots of weight as I couldn't keep anything down even water. I felt nauseous the whole day and hospitalised for 1 week during my 10 weeks pregnancy. At 13 weeks we were given a 1:4 chance for t13,t18 and t21 and we did cvs the result came positive for Down's syndrome. My husband and I planned to keep the baby if she only had Down's syndrome and no other medical problem. At 16 week we had a genetic scan again and the doctor said there was liquid and one of her heart is too small and kidney too big. The chance of her surviving during birth was 1:200. My family members and my husband decided to terminate the pregnancy. So we did straight away at 16 weeks. Until today I regret my decision, I feel angry towards everybody that push me into the decision, angry at myself and why I did not have the courage to stand up for my own belief and lack of faith. I will love the baby no matter what medical reason she had. I keep thinking that I killed my own baby, I haven't even met her, her heart was still beating and I killed her.
I cannot sleep without sleeping pills . Abortion is the worst decision ever. I feel like I want to die and go to heaven ( if God forgives me) and raise her. My beloved baby please forgive me for you did not ask to be conceived and I ended your life so easily. I love you and missed you so much.
For those who are thinking about abortion, please think carefully. I do not want you to go through the pain. I feel angry (about the decision) , regret ( can not be undone), grieve, sad and wrong (after 4 months enduring the stress of bed rest, nausea, hospitalised, lost lots of money for medical reason, not being able to open my business but if I get my baby girl. It will all be worth it. What I got was nothing, I do not have my baby for I kill her myself).