2 abortion experiences
The Surgical Procedure
I have had two abortions. The first one happened when I was young. My family made the decision for me. I was taken advantage of. I didn't feel okay with my family's decision.
The surgical procedure was performed on me at Planned Parenthood. Now, having read many abortion stories online, I see that the nightmare that happened to me is actually quite common - I was given one vicodin at 8:30 in the morning and the procedure was done at 3pm. I felt everything, they had to pause with the vacuum in me so that I could throw up from sheer sadness. The experience scarred me in so many ways. It is the single worst experience of my entire life.
But still to this day, I can't say for sure that it was the wrong decision. My issue is with the fact it was never MY decision, that I never got to have a say and feel okay with one outcome over another. So if you're reading this still deciding if terminating it is right for you, make sure that whatever you decide is best for you is what you do. This is the only way to handle the situation and will be your comfort in whatever your choice. You will always be able to say, at least I did what I felt was right for me.
With that said, now I'm in my late twenties and recently I became pregnant with my boyfriend. We conceived during a visit together (we live 3,000 miles apart) and it was a huge surprise because I have advanced endometriosis.
It was a difficult choice on whether to keep it because I really want a family. I have savings, I'm done with university and I don't know my future with fertility. On some level we both really wanted it because we're so in love. However my boyfriend is very busy. Some days we don't even have time to speak. We make plans to see each other and have to cancel them because he's working so much. I knew that if I kept it, the baby would barely see its father for the first five years. I've never lived with my boyfriend, and was willing to move out to him. He felt this would put a lot of stress on our relationship. For me, having grown up in a broken family without a father and almost having been taken from my mother, I know what instability does to a child. It didn't feel right to bring a baby into such an unsure of environment, it was not right for me.
At three and a half weeks, I opted for the medical abortion. At this point, the fetus is the size of a corn kernel. The sonogram didn't even show the yolk, and I had to sign papers acknowledging it could be an ectopic pregnancy.
In addition to endometriosis, I have hip dysplasia. I'm not a stranger to intense cramps, and my periods can be horribly painful. Every month since I've ever had my period, I've missed one day at least due to intense pain.
With that said, I was terrified that the pill was going to be worse. If you're reading this, you've probably come across other stories comparing the pain to contractions. I've had two other friends that took it - one who went to the hospital freaking out from the pain, and another who bled insanely bad (think soaking pads every hour on the hour for days.)
So I prepared. I had my best friend, a ton of television, prepared food, cleaned my house, got my heating pad and ***wrote down each time when I took the medicine and the pain pills. You will be loopy. This is important in case you have any issues! Make sure if you go this route, you have the person you're with take note as you take meds.
I had to take the miso (second set of pills) after working all day so I didn't begin them until 7:30pm. I was hoping that it would just be a one time thing, I just wanted to get it over, so I set up pillows that kept me in a squating position hoping it would get the process going. Mostly importantly, before taking the second set of pills, I ate two slices of greasy cheese pizza (grease helps my stomach and you should have something in your stomach!) Then:pain relief
I never felt horrible cramps. I felt strange sensations like a pulling feeling from my lower back and random spasms. The experience is daunting because you don't know what to expect but I assure you that it doesn't have to be painful. I tried to stay awake but I felt very sleepy thanks to the meds. I did not walk around after taking the pills because walking can worsen pelvic cramps.
Two hours after I took the second set of pills, I'd started bleeding. After four hours, I had bled very little. I changed the pad and went to sleep. The next morning a little more blood. It is now the third day and I'm still bleeding a bit. I don't feel any extra pain, aside from the emotional aspect of it. I went to the doctor's and the sonogram implies that the abortion was successful. I was shocked by how little the process had (physically) hurt!
One other thing to mention - I was also afraid of dying from the pill. The nurse informed me that the people who died from it suffered from infections afterwards. It's not like you're going to take the pill and mysteriously drop dead five hours later as I was afraid of. The infections are highly unlikely and preventable.
This is such a difficult decision to make. If you're trying to decide which procedure to do, it comes down to how comfortable you are managing pain and how much privacy you prefer. I hate going to the doctors. I don't trust doctors. And I certainly hated having the surgical procedure because there was the instrument in my body. At least with the medical abortion, you are in the privacy of your own home and you can dose yourself with pain meds appropriately.