I'm sixteen and about to have a MEDICAL termination.
I've just turned sixteen and have been with my boyfriend for just about a year now. He's seventeen, soon turning eighteen. I was foolish enough to have unprotected sex for a long time and since I didn't become pregnant after the first few times, I didn't worry about contraception.
In November, 2013 I had my period, and just after it finished me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex. This wasn't a huge deal as we had been having unprotected sex for awhile. After my birthday, in December, 2013, me and my friends were going to go shopping to celebrate my sixteenth birthday, however I knew that that weekend was when my period was due, and it had not shown. The exact day I missed my period was the same day I was suppose to go shopping, so I asked my friend to go with me to buy a pregnancy test.
Being only young, I found it too embarrassing to buy it myself so I asked her to do it for me. Once we had bought two pregnancy tests, just in case one turned negative, we went to the town hall toilets (classy, I know) and we tried the first one. After waiting awhile, the test showed one big bold line, and we both were relieved. That was until we picked it up to put it in the bin, where another faint line occurred. We didn't really read the instructions so we put the test back into it's bag, along with the other unused one to try again later when we were shopping.
My boyfriend met us on the train and I told him straight away. He took the news very well, and understood what was happening. He didn't say to get rid off it which I thought most teenaged boys would do if they found out their baby might be inside me. He told me he'd support me in whatever situation I choose, even if we aren't together. He said that he'll try and make things easier for me. After shopping, I took the other one and it was definitely positive. There was no way that I could mistake both of them to be faulty as they weren't your common cheap ones.
I didn't really feel anything. Which was weird. I kept forgetting about it, to be honest the thought of having a living baby inside me didn't even cross my mind.
The only thing that I was certain of was that I wasn't going to keep it.
I was too young for a baby, and so was my boyfriend. He had a job which had very good money, but we both lived with our parents, I had exams to do, I wanted to go to university and do tons of courses to be a lawyer. I wanted to be able to support a child before having one. I knew that I wouldn't be able to cope, let alone being so young. I was practically a child having a child.
My mother, whom I live with had gone away to Disney Land and I had no contact with her for another week. I did not want to tell anyone other than my mother about the pregnancy, so I kept it a secret. Though, I took immediate action.
The next day, I walked to my local surgery and asked to book an appointment. Although, all appointments for the next day were fully booked I explained my situation to the receptionist and she was very kind to explain what I needed to do.
So, the next morning at 8:30 I had to ring my surgery to book an appointment. Although, I had no credit on my phone this was only achievable from my friend who booked one for me for the following day at 9am.
The day came, and my gran had dropped me off at my school, which luckily was only a 15 minute walk from the surgery. Once, my gran had driven away, I walked back down to town, without the school or my gran knowing, to see the surgery. I feel kind of heartless for not caring about my decisions, I just wanted to get professional help before it was too late. I didn't know how far along I was as I had heard of people being pregnant even on their period, so I wanted a termination as quick as possible.
The doctor I saw in the surgery was a very nice lady who went through my options, discussed what would happen and didn't force me to tell my parents or change my mind about it. She then filled in a form for me and sent it to the hospital which would go through with the termination. All I had to do was phone them after 24 hours to get an appointment.
The next day my mother arrived home and it was the first thing I told her. I knew she would be okay with the pregnancy as she herself had a child at a young age. She told me "I was a silly Billy" and continued to hug me. She was concerned that I didn't seem like I cared, because I don't think I did at the time. Maybe, I'm too young to think about it. She then went to the shop to buy a Clear Blue test which shows you how far along you are. It confirmed that I was in fact 4-5 weeks pregnant, which means I only had a little amount of time to have a medical abortion.
Two days later, my mother and I phoned up the hospital to book an appointment at my nearest service. The women on the phone was funny, understanding and supported me whilst explaining the details. She booked an appointment after Christmas which was the soonest appointment she could get.
My appointment is tomorrow for my scan, I will be six weeks by then. I didn't have much thought of keeping the baby. I guess my mind is set too strong of not having one. But, the little things are making me quite scared. Not only the appointments, but how the baby's heart starts beating at six weeks.
It kinda makes me feel like a murderer. I'm worried about next week, next week is when the actual abortion starts. The physical damage this abortion could give me frightened me too. I've read that it can be painful, emotional and that you can see the baby come out. It's kind of scary.
My boyfriend is coming with me to my scan, and the first set of tablets, and so is my mother. But when I'm having the last set of tablets, the bit that is going to be the most painful, I'm going to be alone.
I can't stop thinking that it's my fault that I had underage unprotected sex in the first place. Although, having my family and friends know about everything that has happened makes me feel so much better. I feel like I have people to talk to, people I can trust and it makes things easier.
I really hope the termination will go well, and all I can do is wish myself luck I guess.
I wonder if you have refused to allow yourself to think about the procedure and now those subconscious thoughts are surfacing and beginning to frighten you. It is better to talk about these anxieties and be clear in your mind what you will go through and possible risks. If you would like to talk this through with a pregnancy advisor please contact CareConfidential, or support is also available after the abortion if you need it. find a centre for pre-abortion support in your area.
You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.