Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together for two years.By anonymous on 08/09/2007
Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together for two years. About six months through the relationship, we discussed having a baby. We talked about names and how good it would be etc. We tried for ages but no joy. Every month my girlfriend had her period she was upset. I even went to the doctor and did a sperm test.
Three months ago she was late for her period so she did a home pregnancy test. It was positive! I was so pleased, I wanted to tell everyone, but we decided to wait until the 12-week scan. After about a week of knowing, out of nowhere, she says she doesn’t think she wants to keep it. She says it will cost too much and we can’t provide for it as we live in rented accommodation. We both work in decent jobs which is a lot more than the single mothers and benefit thieves around Britain today do.
Anyway I’ve tried to talk her out of it and she just isn’t having it. We made the appointment to go to the clinic and I took her. She couldn’t go through with it so we rearranged it and she cancelled the second one too. But she’s back there now with her mum. She also said that she doesn’t think she will stay with me for long after this. She is making it out to be my fault and I don’t know what I have done wrong. Can you tell me? This is really stressing me out. Thanks.
Editor’s note: Thank for telling us your story. I can see this is causing you quite a lot of confusion at the moment. What I notice about your story is that it was a very short time after starting your relationship that you began to talk about having a baby. I wonder if you’ve really had enough time to build a relationship that was just about the two of you. Becoming so focussed on getting pregnant must have absorbed all your attention, rather than just enjoying each other and working towards a deeper commitment that wasn’t based on a pregnancy. It may be that your girlfriend has been having second thoughts about your relationship and is torn between wanting the pregnancy but not wanting to be tied to you. Just a hunch. She may also be concerned about the losses involved in having a baby in terms of her job and lifestyle, but it does sound as if she is ambivalent about an abortion.
I realise that these are painful thoughts for you and I think you need to see someone to talk through what’s happening. You can call the helpline and talk to an advisor confidentially or use Online Advisor, but you would also be welcome at your nearest centre. An advisor would help you understand the issues around pregnancy and abortion, but also help you explore what’s happened in your relationship. You need support and I recommend that you get in touch as soon as you can.