I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant when I had my scan at the clinic before my abortion.

I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant when I had my scan at the clinic before my abortion. I didn't feel I could continue with the pregnancy because I felt I wasn't ready. I’m 20 and studying at college and I didn't feel emotionally ready. At the clinic I decided to have the medical procedure instead of the surgical option. I’m finding it difficult still to get over how I reacted to the pill and actually seeing the abortion taking place myself. Two weeks later I still felt very sick and bloated. I went back to the clinic to find out that I was still pregnant. I had to go back for a surgical abortion. By this time I was 10 weeks gone. If things couldn't get worse, outside the clinic were about 60 Christian protesters with priests. I feel so guilty about it now. I feel like I made my baby suffer. When I found out I was still pregnant after the first abortion, I felt that I wanted to keep it but obviously the risk was too big and I didn't want my baby to suffer anymore. I am a Christian but wouldn't regard myself as a religious person. However, I keep thinking that all those signs meant I should have kept it. Will I ever stop feeling like this? Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…Having a medical termination is a difficult experience in itself, because you do see what happens to your body, and I wonder if that contributed to your mixed feelings the second time. Having to run the gauntlet of the protesters outside has also surfaced other feelings that may have been hidden deep down – guilt, shame perhaps, a sadness about any suffering your baby may have experienced and uncertainty about your decision. You’re thinking about it at a deeper level – your heart level – rather than just about the circumstances that made your pregnancy difficult. These feelings are not uncommon after an abortion and I think you need some support and care. I know it will help you to visit your local pregnancy centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor to have this support.

This story was sent in on 19/09/2007

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Almost a year later, I find myself still coming to terms with things. I posted a story here 'I instantly knew that I was pregnant' last year.

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