So you grow up thinking you're gonna have a husband and kids and a happy family to come home to everyday...then things go wrong..you get weak because you're attracted to your fiance who wants to marry you but keeps delaying it...and then it happens and the double blue lines and crosses show on the tests and you think, he wanted kids he will marry me now no matter what and change his plans because this is what we always wanted....but he says, it's wrong time, he wants a career first then he wants kids, your heart drops , and you think you'll keep it and find a solution, you'll leave the country and go and live somewhere far away.
Next thing you know,you're searching for the A-Kare pills online and you order them. They come in on a Christmas day and without thinking twice you take it, then wait for those 24 hrs to take the scary once that will cause you all the pain. You do that, when the time comes, the pain kicks in you faint, you vomit, you think your belly will explode, you're alone in it all. You find yourself laying down on a bathroom floor,... you fainted, the pain was far too strong, then you sleep for days,and pretend like you were just off sick from work for one day.
You try to carry on, but then the emotions kick in, you cry for no reason, because it was so overwhelming..
the second stage is when the guilt and regret comes in
Your heart hurts, it feels like a heartbreak. You stay away from your friends, you lose contact with everyone around. Then the regret comes into your life, and it eats you up...as a result of all this your heartache changes you into a numb person, you stop caring about anything and your work becomes the only place you feel like yourself....then you are so mentally drained you end up in a hospital, dehydrated, anaemic,with iron deficiency and you get admitted to a mental ward and you feel like an empty shell....then you ask yourself, and all because he wasn't ready, he destroyed you...was it all really worth it?
Abortion is a difficult decision for anyone, but when you are in a loving committed relationship it often much harder, and as you say the reason for the abortion sometimes feels trivial. You are now struggling with your loss and trying to understand why you made your decision. Often a decision like this is made quickly because of time constraints and it is not until afterwards that you think it through properly. Please do consider post abortion counselling and support. I know you feel at 'rock bottom' but it will help you. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.