I am 17 years old (18 in about a month) and 13 weeks pregnant.

I am 17 years old (18 in about a month) and 13 weeks pregnant. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago and immediately knew what I would do, I would have an abortion. No one knows I'm pregnant and no one will ever know.
I am very independent and relying on anyone but myself has never suited me. I have a single mom, and though she is amazing I can't really say she is comprehensive. There is probably many other people I can turn to for help in this situation such as my ex-boyfriend but I choose not to.

I think that for the first time ever I will admit that I am afraid.

Though I get up every morning acting normal and laughing I am still a scared child inside. I am used to bottling things up and never showing emotion so that helps but this is a whole other level. When I missed my period I didn't think much of it but after a while I was beginning to get worried. About 3 weeks ago I got my mom's car and told her I was going to a friend's (which I did). I drove to a nearby clinic and made sure that no one I knew was there (it was actually completely empty) and asked for a free pregnancy test. I waited for about 3 minutes when the nurse told me it came back positive. I was in shock and asked her what that meant even though I already knew. When she asked whether I was planning on keeping it or not I changed the subject.
I know it's the best thing for me to do since I don't love my ex (we broke up after about a year of dating a week before I found out I was pregnant and are still friends) and I am planning on attending a 4 year university after high school. For many other reasons I don't think it would be a good choice to keep it.
After the test result I teared up a little in the car but didn't cry, instead I drove to my friends house and acted like nothing happened. I was shaking but made sure no one noticed. I have been doing my research and called planned parenthood. I went to an office that could get me approved for a free abortion and have scheduled my 'in clinic' abortion. I have done everything myself and will go in this week for the abortion by myself. Though I am scared I don't really feel bad about doing it, I don't call my fetus a child and don't think about the future it could've had. Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. This experience has tested me in every way possible especially since my relationship with my family is at an all time low. This has affected my school and my personal life though no one knows. It has been hard but I brought this upon myself by not being careful, I have no one to blame but myself. At the end of all of this I will have grown as an individual and wrote this to get it off my chest.

Editor's Comment

It's good that you have shared your story here so that in some small way you have broken the secrecy. I say this because it is difficult and very isolating to be holding such a big secret by yourself. I wonder if there is anyone you feel that you could trust to talk to as you go through this? If not please consider logging into Online advisor and receive support through this confidential counselling service. for unplanned pregnancy support.

This story was sent in on 27/01/2014

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