Hi. Well, in 1999 I was 17 years old and was caught pregnant.

Hi. Well, in 1999 I was 17 years old and was caught pregnant. The man I was seeing was not behind me so I decided to have an abortion. At the time it felt right and I went through it alone. Two years later I met the man of my dreams and we are still together now 6 years later. We have been trying for a child for over 4 years, with no luck. We have had all the tests done and all is fine. Over the last few years the fact that I had an abortion is killing me. I feel like I am being punished, and I feel like I deserve it. I cry a lot. I just can’t believe that I did it. My head is in such a mess. I can’t even look at a pregnant woman or a new baby without wanting to cry, or punish myself. I hate myself for what I did. Is there anyone out there in the same position that would like to talk? If so, please get back to me, thanks. Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in and telling us about your situation…It must be very distressing for you to be in this situation, feeling both regret about your abortion and great sadness about not conceiving. You are also stuck in the trap of thinking that this is about punishment and paying some kind of penance. That is a dead end and won’t bring any resolution. I think it may help you to visit your nearest centre and spend some time talking this through with a trained advisor. Alternatively, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor. It’s all confidential and free.

This story was sent in on 10/10/2007

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