Searching for any advice or post-abortion support.
By anonymous on 18/03/2014I decided to share my story with all the women that will be randomly or not on this website, searching for any advice or post-abortion support.
I am almost 21, I had an abortion intervention yesterday, Monday,after precisely one week since I had the official confirmation of my pregnancy, one week of terrible thoughts, anger towards myself, emotional pain and insecurity. I am sure these emotions are normal, only their levels differ from each woman.
I was studying in another country when I found out so being far away from my family and my closest friend was even more difficult.
I was with a boy from several months(since I arrived in that country) so I can say I was having a relationship with an active sexual life, but unfortunately, because I'm coming from a less developed country from many points of view, I was not on any contraception, apart from using the basic condom, which now seems for me too risky.
So it was Friday, women's day night(haha) when I had sex with my boyfriend and the condom broke. Feeling lucky enough, next morning I took the SOS pill. But I was feeling very worried, because my breasts were hurting me for some weeks but I was still hoping that this is a sign of my coming period.
Unluckily, it wasn't like this. Sunday evening I took a pregnancy test. For me, waiting for the result and seeing those 2 pink lines (which means that you are pregnant) were and will be one of my worst memories. I was in shock and I became hysterical, even though I was with a girlfriend close to me. But hearing the words, "Yes you're pregnant" and feeling deeply inside that I really am, was terrible.
Following the advice of my girlfriend, I took another SOS pill, having the stupid idea that maybe this will help more. So you can imagine how the baby would have been.
I called my boyfriend and he picked me up and since then I could certainly feel and see that he was a real and unique support for me from many points of view. This helped me a lot and I will be always thankful to him for the way he acted with me, for handling me in all my anger, childish and scared reactions of a typical woman who is feeling lost because she is facing the idea of an abortion and the feeling of regretting or being judged all her life for this.
So next morning I went with him to the doctor who gave the official result that yes I was pregnant - 5-6 weeks!! I was shocked once again, I cried, I was scared, I felt I wanted to die(which actually I didn't and I don't want to repeat this). I simply couldn't believe I am facing this situation in MY life. What was pretty impressive was that since I started my sexual life(3 years ago) I was sometimes thinking, "What if this would happen...?" and I was mentally facing myself with the idea of an abortion but I refused to accept that it will really happen.
So girls, take care of your thoughts because they can materialize unexpectedly.
All that week was full of emotional pain, insecurity and especially FEAR! fear of not knowing what sort of abortion to follow(pills/vacuum)and fear of the consequences.
I decided to have a vacuum aspiration abortion performed under general anesthetic. This scared me a lot, more than anything before in my life because I didn't know how my body would react to the anaesthetic.
Again, all the time my boyfriend and the only girl that knew this supported me and made me feel that yes, everything will be alright after. But in the only moments when I was alone, my thoughts were killing me and I felt I can't stay alone. That's why I feel grateful I had these two persons in my life.
So, yesterday I had the intervention. I arrived in the morning, without eating or drinking anything. They gave me a pill to calm me down, which made me quite high and happy. I was feeling better on that and I even fell asleep. The assistant woke me up and took me to the room where the intervention occurred. The only things I remember are that I placed my body in the place for the operation, the doctor was asking me if I have healthy problems, I said no, I just asked if I will feel pain and I begged them not to start before I fell asleep. (haha, which of course they would never do)
So they put the anaesthetic in and I simply don't remember anything and didn't feel any little pain.
I woke up suddenly and I was in the previous room, my boyfriend was sitting close to me and I was telling him that I don't believe they did the operation because I don't remember anything.
He and the doctor repeatedly told me that the operation had been done well and everything is fine. I was feeling very sleepy and dizzy, I ate what they gave me and after 2 hours maybe I could go home with my boyfriend.
And I don't judge myself for taking the decision of an abortion, because this is what I wanted.
And another advice which I will totally follow is to take your contraception pills, because I don't want this experience in my life never again!
For me it was helpful to read all these stories about pre and post abortion from so many women and I am thankful to them because somehow I felt relieved to see that someone shares my story and my emotions so I can get over it easier. And of course, I wrote my story because maybe one day it will other women that leaving this and need support.