It was the most painful experience, I thought I would die

It is over three years now and I can't seem to forget that I had to abort my child; I was left with no choice then being 19 years old, and I had to choose between my baby and my schooling.
I almost kept the child but I lost the war when I was 2 months along and my mum almost found out, that would have meant no more schooling for me and getting married to the father.
It was the hardest choice to make.
After the abortion process which took less than 15 minutes, I felt weak, and I wasn't given any pain killers or drugs before the process. The nurse asked me to spread my legs open and tied to different angle, I watched her put the instrument in and out of me. It was the most painful experience, I thought I would die and I screamed in pain and cried loudly, with the nurses talking to me rudely to shut up and that younger girls do it and they don't shout.

I felt empty like something special had left me, I was already getting used to the feel of my child swelling inside of me. I cried bitterly, I had no one to comfort me or advise me what to do. I had to read online to know that my leaking breasts are normal and I should wear a tight fitting bra for hold them in place and reduce leakage.

It is three years now but I can't forget my child I didn't give a chance, it hurts that I didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. I see my child in other little children, and I always count the years thinking about what age my child should have been. I always wondered what would have happened if I had the child. I love my baby so much and can never forget. I pray for forgiveness and that the child would forgive me and understand my situation.
This is the first time I have put my expression out and it feels wonderful to be able to reach out to other people like me. I wonder if I will ever forget this experience, it is not my wish for anyone to go through this. ABORTION SOLVES THE ISSUES TEMPORARY BUT THE EFFECT STAY MUCH LONGER THAN WE EXPECT.

Editor's Comment

This is still a painful experience for you, and I think the fact that you felt trapped and unable to see another solution has made it worse. The procedure itself also sounded very painful and distressing, and surprised me that you were not given pain relief. I think that post abortion support and counselling would help you to release some of your feelings. You won't ever forget it but the emotional pain can heal. If you would like to talk about this kind of support please log into Online advisor, or call the helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 28/03/2014 and it's been viewed 135 times.

Read more abortion stories

I had an abortion two months ago.

Previous

I had sex for my first time and I got pregnant

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or are being affected by similar issues from your past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be very difficult but rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →