I had a surgical abortion last Saturday.
I suddenly thought I couldn't have a baby alone and without a job. I went to my doctor who didn't see me, he just left a form for me at the reception to contact a centre to discuss a potential abortion. I just wanted someone to talk to me and explain my options and comfort me. I then booked an appointment at Marie Stopes in Essex but it was a horrible experience, the nurse was rude and she took it for granted I wanted to abort while on the phone they told me they would talk to me and then I could have make my decision. She did not say anything about my health and she was annoyed by all my questions and told me to read online. I was 5 weeks pregnant and they booked me another appointment to have the abortion in two weeks. I felt more lost and confused than before going to the center and also scared by their carelessness. I went home crying and I did not know what to do. I was scared that some complications could have occurred during my procedure as no one explained the risks carefully and reassured me. I decided after a week of troubling, crying and many doubts to call the BPAS and I went there for a visit at their centre in Richmond. They were much nicer that in Essex. I was really stressed also because am not from UK and my family is not with me, my boyfriend came with me but he did not provide the emotional support I needed during all the weeks before the procedure. In the end I decided on a surgical abortion with general anaesthetic which means you are asleep during the procedure and you don't feel any pain. The day of the abortion at the clinic all the nurses were very nice and warm. I was nervous and although I knew it was the right decision because I couldn't support and grow up my baby, I was sad but I tried to be strong.
When you arrive at the clinic they check your data and then your blood pressure, temperature and in my case the level of iron as I am a bit anaemic. Then you change into a gown and they put you on a trolley, once in the theatre they put you to sleep. You wake up after 20 minutes with some pain, like period pain but not too strong, they gave me pain killers to calm the pain down. I remembered as soon as they woke me up, I was very drowsy because of the anaesthetic but as soon as I opened my eyes I started crying and I cried for a while. Then they move me to the recovery area and the most lovely of nurse's comforted me saying that everything went well and the doctor said there were no problems.
I think I was trying to let out all the stress and the sadness I went through the weeks before. When you feel better you can dress up, eat something and leave. They gave me antibiotics to reduce risk of infections to take the day after. I did have some pain during the day but with a pain killer it was bearable.
Now one week has gone. From a physical point of view I am feeling a bit weak, I needed to rest a lot, if I walk I then feel pain and extreme tiredness so after 2 or 3 days I realised this, I started to slow down and I am resting a lot. From an emotional point of view the first two days I was relieved because it was very complicated for me.
there are some moments of the day that I feel very very sad and I think about the baby.I know nothing will be the same for me from now on. Something has changed inside me after this experience and I promised to myself that I need to be very careful because this was very painful and hard to go through. I am trying to get a job and I tell myself that it was more mature not to have the baby because babies need to grow in a safe and lovely environment, and they need a lot of attention and dedication and money to give them a good chance for their future and satisfy their basic needs. I don't have this possibilities right now. But what probably makes me so sad is that they also need love and I think I would have loved this baby a lot. I don't regret my choice, I think right now it was the right one, but I also believe even when you are sure about having an abortion, it is very difficult not to think about this experience with a bit of sadness.
Editor's CommentIt is hard when you feel your circumstances work against you doing what your heart longs for. I think your sadness comes from your heart, but your head is telling you that you did not have what you needed materially to raise a child.
It certainly sounded very poor practice the way you were treated by your doctor and Marie Stopes. As you said, you wanted to talk your decision through and receive some counselling help and support, and this was not given. for post abortion support.
This story was sent in on 06/04/2014