My husband said he wasn't sure another baby was the answer.

I find it hard to write the words - I am now 44 and have a 21 year old son. I got married at 19 and had my son at 23. I was so happy and in love. My world fell apart when my son was 7 months old - I was 12 weeks pregnant second time around although not planned I thought everything was ok- I went for my scan - but my husband didn't come with me which was odd. It was Xmas eve when he told me he didn't know how he felt about me anymore. I was devastated I was a new mum with my baby and couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was very stressed and agreed to have a termination a few days later. I can recall my mum ringing my husband saying it was emotional blackmail and at the clinic I felt in a panic but too scared to say anything. Within a few weeks of the termination my husband told me he was seeing someone else and had been even when I was pregnant with my son. He said he didn't tell me the truth before the termination as he knew it would affect my decision. He then left me and my son anyway. I coped with the situation and focused on my son. However my mum died last year and somehow this has triggered me to feel regret and guilt to the point that I can't breath. I am constantly upset and cannot stop longing for my child. I am so depressed it scares me. I have also been trying to conceive again and am considering IVF with an egg donor - can somebody please help me .. I feel totally responsible for allowing my husband to manipulate me and why wasn't I strong enough to say no.

Editor's Comment

It is terrible that your husband coerced you into a decision like that purely for his own benefits. It's not unusual for another big loss to trigger that grief reaction that has been lying hidden, but I would say that you should not be blaming yourself for not being stronger. In your early 20's you probably thought that your marriage was very important, and had no idea what was happening behind your back.
I would encourage you to have some post abortion counselling. many women find help and support even years after an abortion, and it sounds as though you would benefit from working through these painful emotions. Please call the helpline, or log onto online advisor for help. There are many practitioners trained in post abortion support around the country who would be glad to see you.for post abortion support.
This story was sent in on 07/05/2014

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