I was 16 and pregnant.

I was 16 at the time and had been with my boyfriend for a while, it was the beginning of summer and I decided that I wanted to take the leap and lose my virginity, I knew my boyfriend wasn't a virgin but he had never even mentioned sex to me before so I approached him with the idea and he made sure that I was confident with my decision before we did anything, we made sure to use protection. After I lost my virginity we started having sex more and more often every time using a condom, my boyfriend one day said that we should try 'pulling out' as he said he wanted to see what it would be like without a condom and we tried this method. We went back to using condoms as I didn't trust it and was very nervous about it. (never ever use 'pulling out' as a method of contraception it is the stupidest idea ever and doesn't work) I started college in September, I was really enjoying my course (I'm doing childcare)and I was making new friends, my boyfriend went to the same college so we seen each-other nearly everyday. I realised that I had missed my period and told my boyfriend about it, he didn't think anything of it at first but then every morning I would wake up being sick, I knew then that I was pregnant and I was so scared.
My boyfriend bought me a pregnancy test and sure enough I was pregnant, I broke down into panic, I cried and cried and cried. My boyfriend reassured me that we would get though it and we would decide on what to do together - straight away I knew I wanted to have an abortion, I was just so scared about the prospect of having a child when I was still a child myself and as shameful as it is I did care what others would think about me.
My boyfriend agreed that this was the best decision and we would research how I would be able to have this abortion, as I live in Northern Ireland it made it even more difficult we would have to go to England to do this and we didn't want our parents to know.
My mum found out I was pregnant as I was sick every morning, she was so supportive and I wish we had just been honest as soon as we found out as me and my boyfriend at 16 wouldn't of been able to do this by ourselves. At 7 and a half weeks pregnant my mum took me over to Manchester too have an abortion, I wanted my boyfriend to be there but I had to have someone over 18 with me and my mum quite frankly wasn't too keen with my boyfriend at the time:( It was the worst experience of my life, I well up just thinking about it, it was so difficult and painful but I knew it wouldn't be right for me too try bring up a baby, I don't think I would be able to provide for one at this stage of my life. My boyfriend and my mum fell out over the fact that I got pregnant and this put stress on my relationship with both my family and my boyfriend, I was arguing with everyone trying to make them get along again and I became depressed. Me and my boyfriend nearly broke up and it was just the worst time of my life, not only had I given up on a baby but I also was fighting with someone I really care about everyday. In a way I will always feel some regret towards the abortion but I know I did the right thing, when I have children I want to provide them with the best upbringing that I can and I know I am not ready for that yet. I am now on the pill but I always get paranoid that I am going to get pregnant again, so much so that I avoid sex as much as possible, don't get me wrong I still enjoy it but the concept of getting pregnant again just scares me so much. My boyfriend gets really upset when I say no to sex as he feels that I don't love him any more but I really do it's just what we went through has really hurt me and I know it has for him too but he never shows it. Anyone out there that is thinking of abortion, I think you should just follow what your mind is telling you to do and if you do decide on abortion don't feel like you are a bad person because you aren't, we have to do what we know is right for ourselves.

Editor's Comment

Your story highlights how hard this decision is, and some of the consequences that a decision like this can have on relationships. It's certainly not easy to cope with such a major issue at 16, particularly as you were studying childcare.
I would emphasise that 'pulling out' does not work as a contraception as you get leakage of sperm right through the process not just at the end. for unplanned pregnancy support.
This story was sent in on 14/08/2014 and it's been viewed 225 times.

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