Abortion nightmares of losing my soul.

By anonymous on 19/09/2014
I'm 24. I aborted just a day ago. This was 5 days from the day of knowing I was pregnant and the last day of my baby. Changed me fully. The experience of 4 days with deep pain of abortion nightmares of losing my soul. Yes I have gone through with it. The day when the pregnancy got confirmed, I was in tears and shock, I was shivering in the early morning. Shared the news with my partner. The same moment decided and started looking for a gynaecologist for my termination. The day ended with only tears. Day 2, went to the hospital with him with the thought that the abortion would get started on the same day but left hospital with seeing my junior (6 weeks) on ultrasound without heartbeat inside me and growing super fast. When the doctor told us it was 6 weeks it sounded to us like 6 months and felt all love for our junior. But as I said abortion took place yes. Day 3, went alone to hospital had medicine orally. And came back to place peacefully. But the nightmares of losing myself started and I slept late with the feeling of losing junior. And seen nightmares. Day 4 the day got more intense. Something was dying inside me but I couldn't help myself. The day passed at home with fear and pain which cannot be expressed in words. Final day 5. Went to doctor, took medicine, within 30 mins puked and started bleeding. I only felt pain when I started bleeding and had heavy cramps, I rubbed my belly and slept. Got up after 2 hours and passed a lot of clots. Again had cramps but didn't feel pain this time seen something unusual with clots there was something a white colour the size of a coffee bean and that moment I realised I was saying goodbye forever. And after that just bleeding continued.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though this all happened very quickly for you, and sometimes this does not allow enough time for your head and your heart to line up and feel right about the decision. The nightmares and sense of losing yourself, or 'losing my soul', are often an indication that you have buried your heart feelings that may not have aligned to what your head was telling you to do. It is sad that you are now feeling such emotional pain and I would encourage you to have some post abortion support. You can follow the link to get some help and information about this for post abortion support.

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