My Hyperemesis Gravidarum hell ended in abortion

By anonymous on 17/09/2014

I naively thought my first pregnancy was rough when I was sick 5-6 times a day for 7 months. That was a walk in the park in comparison to my second pregnancy 13 years later. This time, I was vomiting violently at least 25-30 times daily, all day long. I tried everything under the sun to get some relief.

As my pregnancy progressed it just got worse. Nothing I tried worked. I was reduced to lying on my bathroom floor vomiting uncontrollably; too weak to even get up off the floor.

My Doctor eventually prescribed an anti-emetic, which I also could not keep down. It was a living hell. My body was racked with pain and weakness as well as non-stop room spinning nausea. I felt like someone was sticking a dull knife into my stomach and twisting it every 5-10 minutes.

I could not go out in public due to my overwhelming sense of smell. Every little smell would send me hurling to the floor and I would vomit till I could no longer breathe. I even bought a nose plug to help, but it was to no avail.

Soon, I locked myself in my bedroom for 2 weeks because any outside smell and even sounds would send me off on another vomiting spree. I was wishing death upon myself and feeling suicidal.

Eventually, I was faced with the prospect of spending the rest of my pregnancy in the hospital. I could no longer work, lost my insurance and after agonizing for weeks, I decided to end my pregnancy.

To this day, I feel bad for not being stronger. At the same time, I also clearly remember how horrible this condition really is. This is not just a case of a little nausea. It is horrific, life wrecking, mind blowing pain and nausea. I would not wish my worst enemy to ever suffer through what I did.

My only relief was a termination and I do not regret my decision. I was cured as soon as the anaesthesia wore off and I was so happy to have my health and sanity back.

I often think about what might have been. My only pain now is missing the child I wanted and sadness that I could not suffer any longer to give it life. That loss will probably never go away but I feel that it was my only option. I felt like I was dying.

I have never before or since felt so alone and misunderstood. I am not religious, but I believe God knows everything in your heart and it is OK to love your baby and let it go back to him.

Ladies, if you are considering an abortion due to the pain and suffering of HG, you are NOT alone! If you think your Doctor, family, partner and friends can relate, they can’t. Only those that have suffered through this hell can relate.

Make the decision that is right for you. Do not suffer needlessly if you cannot find any relief. God knows you tried and all will be forgiven.

Editor's comment

Hyperemisis Gravidarum is a horrible condition and definitely much more extreme than morning sickness. At a time when you should be enjoying the prospect of a wanted baby, you often feel very depressed from constant vomiting.

It is sad that you were not able to get more medical support and intervention. There are a number of strong anti-sickness drugs (sometimes used for severe sickness in chemotherapy) that can be used to control this and at least make it manageable even if you still feel nausea. You can use the nhs website to find out more about this condition and the specialist help that is needed. If you would like some post-abortion help and support please contact one of the independently centres listed here on this website.

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